


Tell me no lies

by YunhosFlower



Category: ATEEZ (Band), ONEUS (Band)
Genre: ATEEZ - Freeform, AU, Fanfiction, Fluff and Angst, Slow Build, oneus - Freeform, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:08:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 38,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22661515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YunhosFlower/pseuds/YunhosFlower
Summary: You and Yeosang are friends.Best friends.That's all you've ever been... and all you'll ever be...Right?
Relationships: Jung Wooyoung/Reader, Kang Yeosang/Reader, Kim Gunhak/Reader, Leedo/Reader
Comments: 3
Kudos: 38





	1. 『Primary & High School Beginnings』

**Primary School**

"Can you stand and introduce yourself to the class?" You gaped wide eyed at the tall woman standing in front of the classroom. The lady who was going to be your teacher for the next year. Her mouth, painted in cool toned red lipstick that looked like it might be older than _you_ , stretched into a tight smile as she regarded your obvious discomfort at being asked to stand in front of a class full of kids you didn't know. Dark lined the space below her eyes and it was clear she was just about as over being here as the rest of the anxious faced kids sitting in front of her were.

And now her beady eyes were fixed on you, smile beginning to strain and warp the more seconds that passed until it was more of a grimace than a smile and your discomfort doubled. 

"Now." She added, tone far less friendly than earlier, not that it had been particularly friendly to begin with.

It was clear that the clock was ticking, that the longer that you sat cross legged and frozen on the ugly carpeted floor, the worse you were making it for yourself. But all the courage that you'd forced into yourself this morning when your Mum kissed you goodbye with promises of how great your first day of Year 3 was going to be had dissipated into the humid air.

Someone cleared their throat from beside you and one of the gangly legged boys stood slowly, reedy voice ringing out through the classroom.

"Hey everyone, I'm Yeosang. Kang Yeosang." He smiled out at the sea of faces around him and a few of the other kids clapped their hands together softly, greeting him back. Yeosang cast you a sideways glance as he sat down, an encouraging and friendly smile on his lips.

Courage warmed your chest again and you forced your legs out from under yourself, standing carefully and facing the rest of the class, shoving your chin out with as much confidence as you could muster.

"I'm Y/N."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

**High School**

"Hey, Y/N. Slow down!" You slowed your pace slightly, not bothering to turn to see who was calling out to you. It was the first day of high school, there was nobody else in this place that knew your name except for Yeosang, the only other student from your small primary school to be coming to the same high school and ironically also your only friend.

He arrived at your side with a few pants, dark hair as messy as it had been the first day you'd met in grade 3 where he'd saved your ass and kicked off your friendship.

It had been you and Yeosang versus the world since that day.

"You seriously didn't even wanna respond to my texts last night?" He asked when he'd finally caught his breath, throwing you an offended look when you paused to hold the door to the administration building open for him. You shrugged, smiling a little at the thought of the ten messages that he'd sent you over the course of the previous night, all of which you'd firmly ignored in favour of _trying_ to get some sleep.

You say trying because no matter how deeply you buried yourself below the covers of your beloved bed, and no matter how many pillows you piled around yourself or how many of the slow playlists you played that Yeosang had made for you to help me with this exact problem, sleep had somehow managed to almost completely evade you until 3am.

"You just kept asking the same thing." You said simply in response, waiting for him to slip through the door before stepping after him. He muttered something below his breath that was lost to your soft exclamation of shock at the interior of the building you'd just entered.

You'd known that this was one of the more highly paid for and luxurious high schools in our area long before this moment, but staring around at the high ceiling decorated with gold and silver paintings and marbled floors that seemed to stretch for miles felt a world away from what you had been expecting to walk into this morning.

"Stop drooling, Y/N." Yeosang whispered into your ear, tugging playfully on the end of your carefully constructed braid, pulling a few of the difficult to capture strands from the binding. You cast him a acidic glare, flicking the soft skin of his wrist.

"I'm _not_ drooling."

"Are too, be careful none of the boys will think you're cute if you don't wipe it away."

Your chest tightened at his playful comment and you looked away from him quickly, hiding the brilliant red blush that would surely darken your cheeks.

It couldn't have mattered less how the other boys looked or thought about you.  
  
In a tale as old as time, you were only interested in one... Yeosang chuckled, turning his head to watch a pair of taller boys crash against each other with yells of joy that filled the hallway... and he was completely oblivious.

"Oh hey! Are you two new as well?" The taller of the two boys grinned over at you both, his eyes sparkling and dark hair covering most of his forehead. His easygoing smile reminded you somewhat of a joyful puppy, whereas his friend would've come off intimidating if not for the similar friendly smile stretching his tanned face.

"Mhm." Yeosang affirmed, slinging an arm around your shoulder and drawing your body closer to his. It was a power move in its own right, meant to ward off any advances of unwanted male attention or keep nasty words from being sent your direction. It was a habit that he'd developed after the last few years of your friendship, where childish idiots had sought only to make your pre senior years hell. 

But you'd sworn to yourself that high school was going to be different and for once you wouldn't need a protector, besides these guys weren't exactly on the offensive anyway.

You shrugged out of his arm, stepping forward and boldly slinging your hand out to the taller, forcing a smile onto your face despite the terrified thumping of your heart in your chest. 

"Hey! I'm Y/N!" You greeted. The two smiled brightly back, each introducing themselves. The first to have spoken was Yunho, his falsely intimidating friend was Mingi. Their friendly banter carried Yeosang and you through the day, and somehow you all managed to make a good group despite the complete opposite personalities between the two seperate friendships.

Yeosang with his soft voice and quiet ways, Yunho with his bright smile and joyous exclamations, Mingi with his eager eyes and idiotic jokes.. and you, shy and terrified you that hadn't trusted anyone besides Yeosang for as long as she could remember. 

It really shouldn't have worked, but it did.

"Y/N?" A shocked voice broke the comfortable silence between the four of you as you crowded around the table that you'd all chosen for your lunch meet up and you lifted your head to peer over Yeosang's dark hair, eyes searching for the owner of the voice.

"Hongjoong?" You choked, your own voice as shock filled as his expression was, the two boys standing either side of him looked almost comically confused, their handsome faces flickering between the shorter figure to yo.

Hongjoong's face split into a wide smile and he crossed the distance, shoving himself between you and Yeosang to throw his arms around you in a tight, inescapable, suffocating embrace.

"Wait, who the hell are you?" Yeosang asked, hostility written clearly over his features as he stared incredulously at the much smaller male squeezed between you both. Hongjoong blinked, releasing you to turn and extend his hand towards your best friend with a warm, friendly smile. He met Yeosang's hostile gaze with his even one that barely disguised his curiosity as he took in the slightly taller male. 

He'd always been brave.

"This is Hongjoong, our parents used to meet up a lot for work dinners, so we'd coincidentally be forced to hang out a lot too." You hurried to explain when Yeosang remained motionless and staring pointedly at you over the extended hand.

Hongjoong's smile slipped slightly and he glanced at you helplessly, small hand dropping slowly onto his lap.

"You say that like seeing me was all bad." He muttered, looking somewhat hurt. You doubted it was your words that had caused the pitiful look in his eyes though. Hongjoong was used to people being eager to talk to him and returning the bright smile he wore, he didn't often get the reaction that Yeosang was giving him.

You didn't bother to answer, instead fixing your attention over his head at Yeosang, eyebrow raised questioningly. It wasn't unusual for him to be on edge around new people, but he'd seen that you knew Hongjoong, surely the hostile look in his gaze was unwarranted towards an old friend?

"Hongjoong right? I'm Yunho." Yunho smiled over the tabletop, reaching out to grasp Hongjoong's hand. In that simple sentence he'd eased some of the tension and Hongjoong smiled cautiously back at the taller male.

"Well I'm San and this is Seonghwa." The shorter of Hongjoong's companions seated himself confidently on the other side of you, wearing a smile that was somewhere between a grin and a smirk and the one he'd introduced as Seonghwa perched himself uncomfortably beside Mingi who cast him a curious look before introducing himself to the rest of the newcomers.

And just like that, your group of four became six.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
 **A/N ~** Hey there! This is a story that I originally wrote and posted on my wattpad at the end of last year! I decided I wanted to revamp it as my writing style has changed considerably since I wrote it and I'm sure there are errors and loopholes that needed fixing. Hope you enjoy it and if you want to read the original you can find my wattpad under the same handle as this one! 


	2. 『High School ➵ Later』

_**High School ; a year later**_ ➳

Your eyes barely remained open as you flopped unceremoniously down beside San at your table, grunting out a half hearted greeting before you let your head fall down onto the tabletop.

"...maybe if you actually concentrated in class you wouldn't be failing." Seonghwa's voice floated through the air and you didn't bother to lift your head and greet him, or whoever he was walking with although judging by his comment it could only be Mingi.

The tall individual seemed to struggle with keeping his attention on something for longer than five minutes at a time unless it was math, whereas Seonghwa was passing every subject easily with flying colours; he barely needed to apply himself, he was naturally perfect at almost everything he tried.

Sure enough, Mingi's signature dismissive scoff followed, much closer now than Seonghwa's voice had been moments ago and you mustered up just enough energy to tilt your head and watch the two of them approach and sit down.

San snickered tiredly from beside you, leaning in to whisper into your ear.

"Maybe one day Mingi will actually listen to his elders." You barely lifted an eyebrow, eyes flickering to meet San's.

"Probably on the same day you do." You shot back, enjoying the instant defensive look that hazed his eyes at the response.

"You're just jealous you're not as insanely talented as me." He muttered, huffing and seeming to brighten and forget the conversation as his gaze flickered over your shoulder. "Hey Yunho, Yeo!"

Instantly your body was ten times more alert, somehow finding energy that it hadn't had moments ago. You straightened and twisted, greeting your best friend with a wide smile that he returned instantly.

Your chest warmed when he slipped easily into the waiting space on the other side of you, quietly greeting everyone else.

The last year since you'd both started at this high school and met the five people that you spent nearly every day with had easily been one with more surprises than you had been expecting. One that hadn't really been much of a surprise but more of an acknowledgment was just how _much_ Yeosang meant to you.

Though every one of the five boys in your close knit circle was important to you, and you depended heavily on each of them... Yeosang was important in a completely different kind of way.

But he didn't see you as anything more than a best friend, a sister, a blind man could've told you as much and so you'd pushed away any and all of the feelings that nestled inside your heart.

"How much sleep did you get last night?" He asked lowly as the conversation picked up amongst the rest of the boys, gaze finding yours as easily as if it were made to do so. You forced yourself not to look away.

"What's sleep?" You joked tiredly, letting your head drop heavily back towards the table although it was more of an uncontrolled plummet, expecting a hard thud of pain to greet your temple. Instead a warm, somewhat soft, impact cushioned the blow.

"Be more careful." Yeosang murmured, frowning and adjusting his position so his hand could stay where it was below your head and he could pick up a quiet conversation with Seonghwa across the table. You tried to ignore the hard flutter of butterflies in your chest, forcing your eyes closed. One of them would wake you when lunch was over.  
  


─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"Do you actually know the answers or not?" Yunho poked your forehead gently with the end of his pencil, eyes peering down at the empty piece of paper in front of you. You groaned and swatted the offending stick of wood and lead away from your face.

"No!" You exclaimed in irritation, although not at him, flicking the paper away in frustration. The music teacher had assigned you both the task of picking out which instruments played in a short clip he provided. Even Yunho, who normally enjoyed music, looked over the project at this point.

"We could call Joong, he's the best at this stuff." Yunho suggested warily, folding his arms below him and resting his chin on them. The suggestion was only half hearted, as easy as it would be to do that, neither of you were cheap enough to take that easy of a way out.

"No." You groaned, leaning forward to drag the paper back towards you, fingers tapping the desk top as you stared hard at it, like that would magically give you the answers that you needed to pass this 'test'.

Yunho grimaced and squeezed your shoulder sympathetically, leaning back in his seat. He was somehow worse than you were at this kind of thing, his musical strengths seemed to end at his heavenly vocals and surprising dance skills.

Though that was still much better than your cat dying voice and clumsy attempts at dancing that more often than not ended in some kind of broken furniture or injured body part.

"Have you two come up with _anything_?" The teacher paused in front of your dejected forms, peering with amusement down at the blank piece of paper. Yunho jumped guiltily, reaching out to slam a massive palm over the paper, as if covering it would erase the emptiness that the teacher had already seen.

He shook his head, chuckling, and pulled out a chair across from you, sitting down on the edge of it and staring at you both intently.

"You both have a lot of talent." He said, causing you to raise a sceptical eyebrow and Yunho to turn his head in embarrassment.

"Really. Just maybe your talent isn't quite suited to my class." He continued, nodding in your direction pointedly; he wasn't referring to Yunho now. "Have you ever thought about photography Y/n?"

You blinked stupidly, glancing across at Yunho, who surprisingly enough was suddenly smiling at the teacher, almost like they were in on some sort of secret joke.

Not the kind of joke at someone's expense though, mostly because Yunho wasn't capable of doing something that would hurt someone else.

"Photography?" You ventured, thinking about the steely eyed photography teacher who had always scared you more than you wanted to admit, even to Yeosang. The music teacher nodded, crossing his legs.

"I don't think it's really my thing, Sir." You responded quietly, glancing away from him and Yunho.

That was lie.

You loved the idea of photography, could easily lose yourself for hours behind the viewfinder of a camera or in an article about the positive impacts of photographical art on society.

But that teacher scared you. And though you didn't doubt that you would do much better in that class than this, if only for an actual interest, you didn't do well with the intimidation tactics that she was rumoured to use on her students.

The music teacher snorted, uncrossing his legs and leaning uncomfortably close.

"Y/n, I saw your submissions for the photography competition in your first year here. I think it's definitely _your_ thing, the same way that dancing is Mr Jeong's thing." Your tall friend choked his surprise at the subtle compliment, running his long fingers through his dark hair. "Don't let the fear of failure get in your way, or rumours. The environment in the photography classroom isn't as bad as some students would have you believe."

You opened and closed your mouth a few times, too taken aback to find any words.

A part of you felt like you should be offended that your teacher was essentially telling you that you weren't any good at his class, but another part of you, the part that had desperately been wondering if you'd made a mistake by not giving photography a chance, knew that he was simply telling you the truth that you should have seen earlier.

"As for you Yunho," he stood, grabbing the pencil out of Yunho's loose grip and scribbling a few instruments onto your paper. "I think you would benefit in some musical theory lessons from your friend Hongjoong and some one on one practise in the school auditorium with Mr Lee after school on Monday."

Yunho's already ridiculously large eyes widened more and he straightened, staring up at the music teacher, mouth agape similarly to yours.

Mr Lee was the school's drama teacher, though it was pretty common knowledge that he'd once been a trainee for SM Entertainment, and briefly been considered for debut. He'd chosen to leave though, a month before the possible date of his debut, deciding that his personal life was too important for him to give up to be an idol. A choice that many students couldn't understand. 

But he was easily one of the best dancers in your small town and an excellent choreographer; rumours often spun around the school of past students that went on to the entertainment industry having been invited to private tutoring time with him.

You smiled widely to yourself, glancing at Yunho's shell shocked expression. As uplifting of a person as he was with everyone else, Yunho often failed to see how gifted he really was and you were glad that Mr Lee had seen it.

"You have one week left of my class. I expect you both to think on what we've discussed here today before you choose your subjects for next year." You both watched in silence as he dropped the pencil onto the desk between you and wandered off to the next pair of students bent over their own paper.

"Well then." Yunho said softly, leaning back and looking at you. You swallowed, picking up the paper to look at the instruments that the teacher had written there.

"Freaking flute." You groaned, shoving the paper towards Yunho. He grinned and accepted it into his hands, peering down at it curiously.

"Hey you two." Jongho, a student that had only transferred here at the beginning of this year, plopped down in front of your table. He was the protege of the year, younger than most of the year but with more than enough talent to bridge the few years of age difference.

"Hey." Yunho greeted him, smiling his warm smile. You tried to match the warmth, more than likely falling quite a bit short. Unfortunately for you, you'd grown up with only Yeosang as a friend, making your interactions with new people difficult for the most part. You were too sheltered by his protectiveness to know how to actually bridge that awkward beginning stage without assistance.  
  
Luckily for you, Yunho was exceptionally skilled at making friends and easily commandeered the attention of most people. 

"Look, I know this is kind of weird," Jongho began, peering down at his fingers and he picked at the edges of his nails. "But do you think it would be cool for me to come sit with your group at lunch today?"

Yunho and you shared a surprised glance. More than once at your lunch table you'd all discussed the stocky figure in front of yourselves now, wondering if someone should offer him an invitation to sit with the group.

It wasn't like your group were some kind of cult that didn't want to include outsiders, and there was certainly no kind of criteria that someone had to meet to get _invited_ to sit with you but you were a close group, each of you knew everything about each other. It was like a small family and you had all been hesitant to be the first to suggest someone new, yet it had been clear from the moment that Jongho arrived to school late, he was someone that would fit in well and quickly with you all. 

Eventually Yeosang had suggested that you all let Jongho settle in before overwhelming him. That it would be best to let him come to one or all of you if he was interested.

That had been six months ago and you'd all begun to think maybe the quiet boy really just preferred his own company despite the friendly way you all interacted with him at any and every opportunity. 

"It's just I have no friends here, still." Jongho pressed on, looking somewhat disappointed. "And everyone here is just so.." He waved his hands, seeming lost for words and you took immediate sympathy on him, knowing that terrified look in his eyes far too well.

"Hostile." You nodded, supplying him the word he was searching for and he dipped his head in agreement, grimacing. Yunho simply smiled, shoving his hands deep into his pockets and glancing over at you expectantly. 

So this one was on you then.

"Jongho, you're more than welcome to eat lunch with us today, and every other day." You told the younger boy, watching his face change from nervous to relieved. "We've kind of been waiting for you to approach us, you'd fit right in with us, but we didn't want to force it."

"Yeah, or make you feel pressured." Yunho added quickly. You agreed and Jongho grinned a little, ducking his head.

"I had no idea, thanks guys. I appreciate it."


	3. 『High School ➵ Later Later』

_**High School; yet another year later..**_ ➳

You dumped an armful of books on the library floor following up by throwing yourself down in front of them.

Mingi copied your actions, still grumbling under his breath about being forced to study with you. 

"Nobody forced you." Jongho pointed out, joining the two of you and placing his own books down with slightly more care than either of you had done. Hongjoong wandered past and lifted a small hand in hello before disappearing once again down the aisle for musical theory, his laptop clutched to his side as it normally was these days.

"Seonghwa-"   
  
"Suggested that studying with someone other than him might expand the likelihood of your continued survival." You piped in, sharing an amused glance with Jongho before propping one of Mingi's books open and pointing at an exercise you'd written out for him earlier.

"Unlike Hwa, I have an abundance of untested patience and significantly more free time under my belt." You continued over Mingi's groan of indignation.

"So does Yunho!" He complained, glaring defiantly at the open book. Jongho snorted, shifting onto his stomach and flipping idly through one of the books he'd brought with him.

"Yunho is passing his classes and doesn't need you dumbing him down." Yeosang's voice filled your ears and you turned to watch him sit beside you, his shoulder brushing yours comfortably.

You ignored the unsteady beating of your heart that came along with his presence.

Despite your hopes, your feelings for him refused to dim or go away.

No amount of meaningless dating changed that none of the boys in this campus came close to comparing to Yeosang and no amount of conversations had in the dead of night over the phone with Seonghwa about coming out to your 'secret love' about your feelings made it any more likely that you would admit to your best friend that you saw him as so much more than just your best friend.

"Harsh, Yeo." Mingi muttered, sighing and dejectedly reaching for the sheet of exercises.

"Well if you want to continue dancing with Yunho and Mr Lee then you need to be passing more than just Math. And unlike you, the rest of us know that you're capable of getting grades if you try." Yeosang replied, sounding somewhat bored despite the genuity of his words. It might have been the nicest thing he'd actually ever said to Mingi, earning a look of quickly hidden surprise from Jongho on the other side of you. 

"Fine, I get it." Mingi exclaimed grumpily, picking his pencil up and immersing himself into the work in front of him, more than likely just to escape his confusion over being treated somewhat nicely by the sharp tongued male. You raised an eyebrow and looked beside yourself to Yeosang.

He just shrugged.

"Need help with _your_ studying?" He asked you, peeking down at the stack of books that you'd gathered and brought along with you. Jongho was already long gone, buried in his work too and you shook your head reluctantly. Even if you did need his help, you were positive that his attempts to assist you would only be a painful distraction in more than one way. 

"Not with this no."

"Ah good." With a relieved sigh Yeosang shifted his body, laying down and resting his head on your lap as casually as if you should have expected it.

Your body froze and you choked silently, staring wide eyed down at him as he closed his eyes blissfully.

"Gross, flirt somewhere else." Mingi said, glancing up. You tensed and Yeosang lifted a dismissive hand, eyes still closed.

"Don't be stupid."  
  


─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Every passing moment felt like torture and your muscles ached.

This exam was going far longer than any other you'd ever had to sit, you were sure of it.

"10 minutes left." You closed your eyes, tilting your head back up to the ceiling. In ten minutes you would finally be free for the holidays, in ten minutes you would have a day and six weeks to prepare for your last year of high school.

You were torn on whether you were going to continue photography into your last year, whether you'd follow up into college to get a degree in it and make a career out of it.

Logically it was your best choice.

But what kind of career could you make out of taking photos of people?

"Time is up. Hand your paper in."

Already?

You stood, snatching your stack of papers, filled with your messy hand writing and handed it over to the waiting hands of the exam supervisor. He smiled, nodding at you in thanks.

He was probably more excited than any of you to get out of here.

"Y/N!" Seonghwa hurried over, Hongjoong a few steps behind him. Both of them looked caught between relief and debilitating anxiety.

Seonghwa was the best in the year level, possibly the best in the school so you couldn't fathom what the hell was making him stress. But Hongjoong was caught between whether to drop out of school and pursue his music dreams and potentially get into a company with barely any trainees or whether to continue school, which he hardly enjoyed.

"Hey guys." You mumbled, falling into step with them towards your table. Technically school was over for the year, everyone could just go home, but you had all agreed to meet at the table before going home. 

"Do okay?" Seonghwa asked softly, wrapping a comforting arm around your shoulder as you walked. You sighed and leaned against him, glad for the support. He was the oldest of you all and easily fit into the older brother position for all of you, not unlike Hongjoong. Both cast you a careful glance that you could straight through; worry. They knew better than most of the boys how conflicted you were over the path to follow for your future and Hongjoong's lips were pursed understandingly at you. 

"I hope so." You admitted, detracting yourself reluctantly from Seonghwa's side to slide down onto the table. The boys slid onto the other side, leaving the spaces for the others in their usual places. That was just how it always was.   
  
San appeared next, his whining already filling the air long before his actual body did, arms flailing as he flopped down beside you.

"I'm gonna quit and become a model." San groaned, burying his face into his arms on the table. You grinned fondly despite yourself, rubbing his back as comfortingly as you could.

There was no doubt that if he actually wanted, San would easily make more than enough money from a modelling career. With his dangerously slanted eyes and quirky attractive smile, he'd already slayed more than half of the girls hearts in school and no doubt had plenty of job offers already from companies. 

But he was also smart, too smart to not need something more than just posing for a camera day in and day out. You couldn't imagine he'd be content to sit still long enough for a single decent photo to come out anyway and the thought only made your smile twitch wider. 

"You'll be fine, Sannie." You cooed at him confidently, ruffling his hair. He huffed, muttering something about a woman's touch into his arm before falling silent.

Hongjoong snickered from beside Seonghwa, who shook his head with an expression that was either amusement or pain, or maybe both. 

"Hey gang." Mingi, Yunho and Yeosang joined the table in a quiet flurry of limbs settling into place. You focused first on Yeosang, gauging his blank expression and deciding against engaging before turning to look at the tallest two.

Yunho looked unusually dejected whereas Mingi, as usual, was the polar opposite beside him, face glowing and expression jubilant.

"Guys, if I don't pass with flying colours then you can force me to watch Jongho exercise for a whole day." Mingi stated proudly, hitting his chest for emphasis.

"I heard my name." Jongho filled the last empty space at the table on Yeosang's other side, staring daggers across at Mingi.

"No you didn't." Mingi said quickly and guiltily, glaring around the table as if daring any of you to disagree. Nobody bothered, too exhausted and relieved to be done with school for the next six weeks to stir either of them up.

"You okay?" You asked, finally turing back to Yeosang, nudging him delicately and cautiously with your elbow. He'd been silent since sitting down, but that wasn't unusual for him, he preferred silence.

He nodded, watching San and Mingi begin arguing light heartedly.

You pursed your lips, forcing yourself not to pursue conversation with him. If he wasn't initiating it then there was no point in seeking anything, he wasn't interested in using his words right now.

Almost as if sensing your unease and discomfort he reached suddenly for your hand, squeezing it quickly before dropping it again.

You closed my eyes tightly, forcing your emotions back down with a hard swallow.

It was still hard for you to endure casual touches like this from him, but slowly your feelings for him were becoming easier to shove into a locked box in the corner of your mind.  
  
When you reopened your eyes you found Seonghwa's knowing gaze meeting yours evenly from across the table, his head tilted slightly to the side to indicate to Hongjoong that he was still listening to him. 

There were bigger, more important, things for you to be putting your time and energy into other than your unrequited feelings for the boy who'd saved you in third grade.You had an entire family of people around you now to support you and be supported, it was no longer just you and Yeosang against the world, but you and your small family. 

It didn't make him any less important and special to you. But crushing on a brick wall would get you further than crushing on Yeosang. He was too distanced, even from you, to be ready for a relationship.

Maybe in the future that would change.

And maybe, hopefully, by then you would have found someone else to focus your attention on.


	4. 『College ➵ The Very Beginning』

"Is this everything?" San grunted, peering through his sweaty fringe at you and you held back a laugh at the site of him struggling below a towering pile of boxes.

Each box was filled with your belongings, ready to be shoved into the back of Seonghwa's car and driven to your new room in the on site housing for college.

A college well known for its quality photography program.

You would graduate in just under a year, which fit with when your lease for the room ran out.

"Yes, that's everything." You confirmed after double checking the labels on the boxes and twisting to check there was nothing left in your room.

It was strange seeing it so empty, nothing more than a bed without sheets and an empty bookcase that had once held a few books and other mementos of your memories, like gifts from the boys and photos of you all in your favourite places together.

But it was also refreshing, it felt like the beginning to a clean fresh start that you desperately needed.

"Will Hongjoong be there?" You asked Seonghwa as he helped you unload the boxes from San's trembling arms.

The older nodded, letting out a heavy pant as he struggled to get one of the boxes into the back of his car.

"Of course he will, everyone will be- what the hell is in here!"

You just grinned at him, tugging your jacket tighter around your body to ward off the sharp, cold wind biting through the material.

It had been months since you'd last seen Hongjoong. He'd been so busy since leaving school, most, if not all, of his waking hours spent on developing his music and training with the company that had offered him a position when they heard his music.

It had been months since you'd really seen anyone other than Jongho, who happened to live a two minute walk away until a week ago when he'd also moved out, although he wasn't rooming with anyone else, which you thought might be a blessing for everyone. The small boy had a fiery temper lately, mouth sharper than Yeosang's had been throughout high school and wit quicker than Hongjoong's.   
  
You wondered how he was adjusting though, to suddenly living alone and having nobody relatively nearby him. 

"Let's go before she finds more heavy crap for us to carry for her." San muttered to Seonghwa, eyes glancing at you defensively.

You let out a laugh, shaking your head.

There was nothing left of your life to pack away, everything was either already into the boxes or not important enough for you to justify bringing.

Only the most important things were coming with you, everything else would only clutter your new beginning.

"Alright, alright. Let's go before everyone else stresses about us being late." Seonghwa said, already half in the car, keys in the ignition.

San and you exchanged exasperated glances before slipping quickly into the backseat together, knowing better than to risk sitting in the front with him.

He raised an eyebrow over his shoulder at you both as you closed the doors, putting on a falsely offended voice when he spoke.

"And here I thought you would be excited to see me Y/n." You grimaced at him in the rearview mirror, sticking out your tongue. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You arrived at the house just as the sun was lowering below the horizon and your spirits lifted a little at the sight of everyone lounging around in the front yard, seeming as relaxed and at home as if it were their own shared house.

Yunho and Mingi tousled together on the grass, bright green blades sticking in their hair and to the backs of their clothing and Yeosang sat beside Hongjoong against the front door, talking with someone that you didn't recognise.

Jongho was watching Yunho and Mingi from afar, looking borderline disgusted. Seonghwa sighed heavily from the front as he parked the car, gaze fixed exasperatedly on Mingi and Yunho.

San was already halfway up the path, leaving the car door left wide open behind him as he called out in excitement to his friends and waving his arms around like a windmill in an effort to catch their attention.

Everyone paused in their actions, turning to greet and wait for you and Seonghwa as you followed him with considerable less energy up the pathway.

Yeosang leapt to his feet, brushing past San to sweep you into a bone breaking hug.

He'd grown taller, though only by a little, and he'd grown more into his features, rivalling even San and Seonghwa in their good looks.

For the first time in months, you felt nothing when he gripped you close to him.   
  
Beyond adoration for your best friend, beyond blissful happiness to see all of your friends again... The spark of one sided attraction that you'd once struggled so desperately to contain and oblierate, was finally doused.   
  
"I've missed you so much." He breathed into your ear, sending shivers down your spine. Shivers that for once had nothing to do with the fact his lips were so close to you and more to do with an involuntary bodily reaction to the heat of his breath against the cool weather air that had swamped your skin.  
  
"I've missed you too, Yeo." You returned, squeezing him and then wriggling your way out of his grip, leaning around him to flash a bright grin at everyone else. "I've missed you all."   
  
The boy standing beside Hongjoong smiled, though whether it was at you or just at everyone you couldn't tell. He was handsome too and judging by his excited little hop and wave in San's direction, he was your new roommate.   
  
How bittersweet, you thought you'd escaped being around insanely attractive boys from 8am to 4pm. Now it turned out that you were stuck _living_ with one.   
  
The only thing that you had known about your new roommate before making the decision to move in was that he and San went way back and that he went way back with Yeosang too, though he'd never once mentioned him in your 9 years of friendship.   
  
"Wooyoung!" San all but squealed, barrelling past Seonghwa and nearly knocking him to the ground in his attempt to launch himself at your new roommate... Wooyoung.   
  
"San!" Wooyoung accepted San into his arms in a hug that might have looked like it bordered on something more than friendship if you hadn't known that San was _definitely_ interested in girls. And judging by the stories that he had told you of his and Wooyoung's 'adventures' together, so was Wooyoung. Just a few hours ago San had been proudly boasting about how he'd successfully claimed the numbers of five girls before noon the previous day.   
  


_"Okay so which one are you going to contact then." Seonghwa asked, grinning over the top of San's head at you. You smirked, shoving one of your jumpers deeper into the box in front of you.  
  
San tilted his head, a confused smile on his lips as he glanced between us, one of your shirts hanging loosely in his fingertips.   
  
"None of them." He said as casually as if it made nothing but sense. You coughed to hide your surprise while Seonghwa fixed him with a blatant look of confusion.   
  
"You got the numbers of **five** girls, San, and you're not going to call a single one of them? Not one?" You asked incredulously, twisting to stare into his face. He shrugged, delicately folding the shirt and dropping it into the box in front of him, which was surprisingly considerably neater than yours _and _Seonghwa's.  
  
"I just can't be bothered dealing with anything that isn't casual. Not yet. Besides I wanna save myself for the perfect girl." Seonghwa rolled his eyes at San's response, struggling to close his box over the mountainous pile of your bookshelf knicks and knacks.   
  
"The perfect girl? Good luck." You hummed with a smile, reaching out to ruffle his hair. He raised an eyebrow, swatting at your hand with an indignant huff of air.   
  
"Jeeze Y/n, you act like all of us don't consider _you _the perfect girl." His lips twitched into a smirk layered with a touch of his usual confidence, leaning forward to flick your nose gently with his fingernail and press a delicate kiss to it after. You held my breath in shock, eyes flickering from San to Seonghwa, who looked neither surprised nor interested in the exchange now.  
  
_

 _"I..." You stammered, unsure of how to respond. Truthfully, if San were really interested in you, you knew he would have made a bigger move than this before, but still it was an overwhelming idea to confront. Not that he wasn't insanely attractive, because he was, but he was also one of your best friends. Not that that had changed you being in love with Yeosang for far too many years of your life._  
  
 _"Oh calm down, he's just teasing you." Seonghwa muttered, glaring at San. "Though he is somewhat right. We all think the world of you, any guy would be lucky to be yours."_  
 _He smiled gently at you, reaching out to squeeze your shoulder before turning his attention back to packing your things, leaving San to mumble a bashful apology for his forward actions._  
  
  
"...Earth to Y/n? Are you in there?" You started back to the present, blinking rapidly at Mingi who was leaning far too close to your face, nose wrinkled curiously as he yelled in your face. Yeosang tugged you back, a habit retained from your primary school days where he'd been the only shield between you and the world.   
  
"Get out of my face before I hurt you, Mingi." You hummed, offering a smile to soften your words, hardly aware that Yeosang's arm had somehow snaked around your waist until it tightened a little too much, dragging a short gasp of air from your lungs.   
  
"Ah, sorry!" Yeosang muttered from behind you, sounding as shocked as you felt and retracting his arm hurriedly.   
  
Somehow the incident had gone completely unnoticed, even by Mingi who was complaining, still rather loudly, right in front of the two of you.   
  
Two years ago, maybe even just months ago, just the thought of having his arm around you was enough to make your heart pound a thousand miles an hour and cause your cheeks to redden to the colour of a tomato.   
  
Now, it was just... strange.   
  
"Y/n, this is Wooyoung." San led over his friend, stepping to the side to allow you a moment to meet. You smiled cautiously up at Wooyoung, eyes sweeping over his features slowly.   
  
He was dressed nicely, though not nice enough that he stood out amongst your friends and his hair was parted in the middle of his forehead. Clear glasses perched on the tip of his nose and there was an intensity in his eyes that was almost captivating when he met your gaze.   
  
"Hi Wooyoung." You breathed, realising a moment too late that you'd let the silence stretch far too long, that now it looked like you had been checking him out, not only to him but to all of your friends surrounding you.   
  
Yunho snorted from behind Mingi and even Hongjoong was holding back a slight smirk as you stuttered out more words to make up for the awkward silence.   
  
"San said you're really nice, which is good. I'm glad, cause otherwise I'd be rooming with a-" You paused, grimacing and looking behind you to Yeosang for help. He just raised an eyebrow, mouthing ' _this is your problem to fix'_ with a sly grin.   
  
So there was going to be no help from your friends then.   
  
Great.   
  
You were already making an idiot out of yourself.   
  
"With a psychopath or something? Yeah, it's lucky I'm nice." Wooyoung continued smoothly, smiling as easily as if you'd been friends for as long as everyone else on the front lawn had been.   
  
"Right, yeah." You exhaled in relief, rubbing the back of your neck. There would be no living this down, not if San could help it and help it he would.   
  
"Nice job." Jongho whispered loudly from his spot behind you, drawing everyone's attention. You could have slapped him if you didn't think he were more than capable of knocking you out with the flick of his pinky finger.   
  
"Alright alright, let's stop torturing her. Wanna show us around?" Hongjoong first addressed his friends then Wooyoung, gesturing to the house behind him. Wooyoung chuckled, shrugging apologetically.   
  
"I'd show you around but I waited out here for you guys to arrive. It's as new to me as it is to you." 

At this everyone laughed, though whether because it was funny or because the tension that had been hovering in the air was finally broken, you'd never know.   
  



	5. 『College ➵ The Interim』

"Do you ever wear clothes?" You covered your eyes with the back of your hand as you edged past a shirtless Wooyoung standing half awake in the hallway, his shoulder resting against the doorway into the kitchen and obstructing a large portion of your access.

"I'm wearing clothes." He mumbled tiredly, body shifting with a careful step in the opposite direction and with relief you dropped your hand from your eyes, focusing on locating the bag filled with all your textbooks that you'd been searching for all morning.

"You're wearing pants and no shirt, that doesn't really count as clothes." You pointed out dryly, letting out a pathetic sound of joy when your eyes finally found the familiar, ugly, material of your year old shoulder bag laying discarded behind the small table that served as your dining table.

Not that either of you ever really used it, bit of a useless investment.

"Well if you like, I could wear no pants as well." Wooyoung teased, lacking his usual enthusiasm and you rolled your eyes, grabbing your bag and slinging it over your shoulder. Already the heavy weight of the many books inside it dragged painfully at your shoulder and back muscles.

"You do you, Woo." You hummed in response, slipping back past the slightly larger space between his half naked body and the wall without looking at him. His exhausted laughs followed you to the front door.

You pocketed your keys when you slipped outside of the shared house, pausing to glance back at the now closed door, lip tugged below your teeth.

You'd been room mates for just over a year now, somewhere along the way casual flirting had just become apart of your relationship together. It was meaningless enough that you didn't worry that either of you would get in trouble with feelings.

But it did mean that you noticed his attitude declining over the last month and the shadows below his eyes darkening with every night.

He wasn't sleeping, he was barely smiling anymore and it seemed like every second sentence out of him was a half hearted attempt at his old self.

You sighed, rubbing your arms and spinning, hurrying down the pathway.

There was no point worrying, there was nothing you could do. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"Have you actually started your assignment Y/n?" You spun, fingers clenched too tightly on the photo paper in your fingers, crumpling it and making it useless for its intended purpose.

The college photography tutor peered at you over the top of his half moon glasses, bushy eyebrows raised curiously. You swallowed, dropping the paper onto the tabletop dejectedly.

Truthfully you hadn't even considered the concept that you were planning to do for the photoshoot you were entering, you didn't even know what kind of photography you preferred. After a year of studying, you felt no closer to figuring yourself and your talents out than you had in high school. 

"Sure have." You muttered, forcing a smile at him as you reached for a fresh sheet of photo paper, being careful to avoid brushing your skin against the glossy side. The tutor chuckled, moving aside to let you slot it with care into the printer carriage.

"And what is it you're going to be blessing us with then?" He pursued. You frowned, desperately casting your gaze around the room for some kind of inspiration, anything to tell him that would temporarily get him off of your back.

A poster pinned up on the far side of the room caught your eye and subtly you angled your head towards it, eyes sweeping with interest over the large group of boys pictured in it.

Idols.

"Actually I was thinking about potraying the difficulty that idol's face in the music industry." You said quickly, turning to look at your tutor. He was smiling, eyes moving away from the same poster that you'd been looking at.

"Good. I look forward to seeing it."

You blew out a heavy breath of air, throwing your head back to stare at the ceiling as he pushed off the edge of the wall in search of another student to interrogate.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The air in the house was suspsciously quiet when you finally got home, later than you'd planned, and you tried to ignore the hairs on the back of your neck standing up.

Your shoulder ached as you dumped your bag unceremoniously onto the floor where you'd found it this morning, making a mental note to remember tomorrow morning that this was where you had put it. Again. 

The only sounds in the darkness of the kitchen was the barely there hum of the fridge and muted ticks of the clock that Seonghwa had insisted on buying for the house two months after you'd moved in, complaining pointedly that the two of you were almost always late to meet ups with the group.

You flicked the light on, smiling bitterly up at the clock; it had been weeks since you'd last seen any one in your friend group, aside from Wooyoung of course.

It wasn't anyones fault, everyone was busy lately, and that wasn't a bad thing.

But you missed your friends.

"Hey stranger." Warmth rushed to your chest and you spun, very nearly knocking an assortment of the small glass jars filled with herbs that Jongho had left during one visit, from the countertop.

"Yeosang?!" You stared incredulously into the same doorway that you'd stood in this morning, trying uncomfortably to squeeze past a half dressed Wooyoung. The small, but considerably bigger than the first day you'd met, figure of Yeosang filled it now, a smile on his face.

"In the flesh." He held up a paper bag, judging by the transparent spots of grease that covered half of it, it was a meal from a take away restaurant nearby.

"It's been..." You cast your mind back to the last time you'd seen him. Images of a strangely hostile glare aimed towards Wooyoung after a particularly flirtatious comment towards you followed by Yeosang storming off wordlessly minutes later filled your head.

That had been almost three months ago.

Three months that Yeosang hadn't answered a single one of your desperate messages to him.

Three months that he had completely and successfully avoided having anything to do with you, or with Wooyoung.

Three months worth of explanations that he now owed you.

You crossed your arms slowly, raising an eyebrow at him.

"It's been a while." He agreed with a grimace. You nodded silently, torn between begging him to explain what you could have possibly done wrong to deserve his silent treatment and between hitting him with both of your fists until he understood the kind of pain it had been for you to go for the first time in years without a single word of communication from your best friend.

You decided on neither, sitting down heavily on the kitchen floor and staring down at you clasped hands, suddenly fighting the hot tears clouding your vision.

You had been so busy with college that until now it hadn't hit you just how much that you had been missing him. How terrified you had been that he would really just disappear from your life forever, without even so much as an explanation for his behaviour.

"Hey... Y/n." The paper bag rustled as he discarded it onto the table and knelt beside you, concern lacing his voice. His fingers brushed your jaw, grasping your chin and tilting your face towards him. You closed my eyes tightly over the tears, hoping that that alone would stop him from figuring out what was going through your mind.

That only made it worse.

You had never wanted to hide anything from him before, not even when you'd had feelings for him.

But that had been different anyway.

Despite your best efforts, warm liquid spilled from below your lids and down your cheeks, more than likely tracking a trail through the light layer of makeup that you'd thrown on this morning.

It didn't matter though, not now.

"...I'm home!" The front door slammed, the sound echoing up and down through the house and you had five seconds to hurriedly wipe the tears off of your face and push Yeosang away to a non suspscious distance before Wooyoung swaggered into the doorway.

The wide grin that he often wore into the house slipped from his lips when his eyes found Yeosang and he glanced at you questioningly.

You simply shrugged, as imperceptibly as possible.

Yeosang had tensed, legs splayed and elbow propping him up from where you'd pushed him. You realised with a painful tug that he must think you pushed him away in fear of Wooyoung's reaction, as if it mattered to you more than seeing him again. 

There was no logical explanation for the fact that Yeosang had disappeared from your life, none that you could think of as you looked between him and Wooyoung. At first you'd thought it was something else going on with Yeosang that had sent him away, but that made even less sense. He'd never not told you when something was going on with him, no matter how quiet he was.

Now you were even more confused than you had been for the last three months, because although it had seemed like there was ill air between the two boys the last time you were all together, there was none of it now. The only emotions on either of their faces was uncertainty and even shame, exhaustion and resignation hanging from both of their thin bodies.

You stood abruptly.

Being in here with the both of them wasn't going to get you any answers and frankly being in here with either of them _alone_ right now wasn't going to end well either.

"I need a shower." You said shortly to the wall, dusting imaginary bits of dirt from your legs. Neither of the boys made a sound as you shoved past Wooyoung and hurried down to your bedroom, snatching the nearest clothes you could before escaping into the bathroom.

By the time you were done in the shower, Wooyoung had disappeared into his room, leaving Yeosang hovering in your room, perched on the edge of your bed. He'd never been inside of your room here and he looked uncomfortable and uncertain. 

"Y/n." He said quietly, looking up when you finally gathered the courage to step into your doorway. His eyes were rimmed suspsciously with red and his hands shook where they lay clasped together in his lap.

You sighed, throwing your used clothes into the washing basket in the corner of your room and hanging your towel carefully on the back of your door. You were trying desperately to find more ways to prolong having to face him again. 

There was going to be nothing easy about the conversation that was coming, but you owed it to your friendship to give him the chance to talk. You owed it to both of you.

"I know that... it's unforgivable, how long I've left you in the dark." He murmured, frowning slightly as he spoke, as if the very thought upset him. And it probably did, because as angry and hurt and confused as you were about his actions, you knew that the last thing he would ever want to do is hurt anyone, least of all you. "And I wish I had a better explanation for you than the one I'm about to give you."

You tensed, staring at him as he squirmed inwardly for a moment, his dark eyes flitting between the roof and your face.

For a moment you were taken back to the 16 year old you that had been drowning in her feelings for him. To the girl who wanted nothing more than to desperately be heard without speaking up.

That was the same look in his eyes now.

But that girl had had to swallow her feelings, she'd had to disappear. And so as much as you ached to reach out to him and tell him that it was okay, whatever he had to say he could say, you refrained for her sake.

He had to do this on his own, like she'd had to things on her own.

"I'm sure you remember the last time we saw each other," He ventured, finally seeming to be ready to talk. You nodded. The thick air of confusion that had followed his haughty and sudden departure was as impossible for you to forget as the look of anger in Yeosang's eyes when he slammed the door in your face when you'd tried to follow after him, demanding to know what was wrong. "Right, well the thing is, I was..." He swallowed, looking almost irritated with himself. "I was jealous."

You waited, expecting something to follow up that claim, but he remained silent, waiting for your reaction.

And in a delayed reaction your body froze, the weight of his words finally settling on your chest heavily, painfully.

_Jealous?_

"Jealous of... Wooyoung?" You queried cautiously, holding your breath. You had no idea how you were going to react if he said yes. What did it mean if he said yes?

Did he have feelings for you? Or were you just looking way too deeply into this?

"Well, yes." Yeosang stared at you, the emotions in his eyes indecipherable. Or maybe you were just too overwhelmed.

"Because... Because..." You floundered with your words, staring desperately at Yeosang for some kind of explanation. How were you supposed to read between lines with him when he hadn't spoken to you for months, when he turned up out of the blue and made it seem like he had feelings for you? 

"Because some part of me felt like I already had so much damn competition." Yeosang burst finally, eyebrows furrowed so deeply that his eyes were in danger of disappearing. "We've been best friends since Primary School and then suddenly we have two, then five then _six_ new friends that are taking your attention."

You tried to process his words, deflating slightly under the realisation this wasn't about the kind of feelings that you'd been hoping for it to be.

So much for being over him, you thought bitterly towards yourself. As much as you'd wanted to believe that your feelings for him were history, they can't have been as far gone as you had thought if all it took for you to feel disappointed was something this small. 

"And I love them, I love our friends the same way that I love you." Another blow to your already punctured hope. "But you've always been more important to me and when we met Wooyoung it felt like surely you couldn't stretch yourself to include him too. But you did, you did it as easily as breathing. Because you're kind and beautiful, because you're _you._ " He reached out to clasp your face gently in his palms, staring at you.

You hated the way that your heart thumped erraticaly, begging for reprimand. He had no idea how much he affected you, or how much you despised it. The last thing you needed right now was to fall for him all over again. Your crush had been a childish thing from the beginning, things were different now.

"I was so scared of losing the first person that I felt like I could be myself around, so scared that you would distance yourself from me to be a better friend to them that I did it first to save myself the pain."

_Stupid idiot._ You wanted to scream at him, struggling to keep your breathing under control as he begged you with his eyes to understand.

Of course you understood. How could you not know that he felt like he was competing for your attention, how could he do anything else but try to protect himself the only way he knew how?

He sighed, letting you go.

"So I tried to lock you out, to ignore you and everyone who had anything to do with you. But eventually... All of them made me see sense."

So now it was in your hands, accept his apology and explanation or deny him and turn him away for hurting you. It was in your best interest to stay away from him, to not allow him to worm his way back into your heart. 

But it had hurt him too, and you missed your best friend.

"I think you're the biggest idiot alive." You muttered, pulling him into a hug. It was strange to feel his heart beating as unevenly as yours against my chest and feel the trembling of his muscles as he held you to him, a strangled sound mixed between grief and relief leaving his throat.

But you had your best friend back.


	6. 『College ➵ Continued』

The next few weeks was a whirlwind of late nights either on the phone to Yeosang or having him stay over every few days to catch up on the parts of each others lives that you'd missed.

"So what are you actually going to do for your assignment then?" Yeosang asked, flicking a bit of dirt from the edge of your bed, raising an eyebrow at you. You pursed your lips, throwing yourself back against the covers, peering at the ceiling.

You'd thought about that every night since the day Yeosang had come back into your life, and you were no closer to figuring out a better idea than the one you'd given my tutor. The problem with that idea though, was that you had no access to a group of idols to photograph. Not without being a stalker, which was a low you weren't prepared to stoop to.

"I don't know." You sighed. Wooyoung appeared in the doorway, throwing a friendly grin at Yeosang and a flirtatious one at you.

"Dinner is ready guys." You rolled your eyes in response to his wink, getting to your feet and following him to the kitchen. The last few weeks had been the most action that your little table had seen since being bought.

"You could always photograph Hongjoong." Wooyoung suggested casually as he slipped into a seat beside Yeosang and across from you, glancing between you.

You weren't surprised he'd been listening, almost none of your conversations with Yeosang remained just between you when you were within earshot distance to Wooyoung.

But his idea wasn't as bad as you wanted to tell him it was.

Hongjoong was far from being an idol, he wasn't even really a trainee yet, but he was working _with_ a company that had a few debuted idols. Perhaps at the least he could give you a chance to meet with the manager of the company, which was a step closer than you'd been five minutes ago.

Yeosang hummed in agreement, shovelling food into his mouth.

"Right, but he's pretty busy lately." You murmured, listlessly moving your own food around on the plate. Wooyoung looked up between his own mouthful, watching you carefully.

"You think he wouldn't want to help?" He sounded surprised. You grimaced, forcing down a few mouthfuls of food followed by a lengthy sip of water.

"I think that helping me could put him at risk of losing his already precarious position in the company." You corrected, looking over at Yeosang. "And he _would_ help me, if I asked."

Hongjoong already felt guilty enough that he saw you the least out of everyone, often wilting under Yunho's admonishment that he looked too thin and pale or staring blank eyed at San when he whined that he didn't even get to hear Hongjoong's songs anymore.

The last thing he needed was for you to come begging for his help when he was hardly getting by just for himself.

Yeosang shrugged, stealing a vegetable from the edge of your plate and chewing it thoughtfully.

"Maybe it could help him too though. If your shoot does well it could help the company, maybe you could even get a job out of it." He pointed out, waving his fork at you. You sighed and contemplated knocking the fork out of his hand moments before Wooyoung did it for you, muttering something about taking someone's eye out.

Yeosang turned his lips out in a pout, retrieving the fork and laying it carefully down on the table, out of Wooyoung's reach.

"I haven't even graduated yet, I don't think anyone is going to be offering me a job, no matter how well it goes." You said quietly, shifting your thoughts to the other members of your friend group, the small seed of an idea planting itself and beginning slowly to grow in the back of your mind.

Yunho and Mingi were attending a dance school, refining their abilities together.

Jongho had the strongest vocals in your state, no matter how much he tried to focus on his sporting abilities, you were positive if he were given the right push he'd prefer and excell in a musical career. 

San and Seonghwa were both visually charming and charismatic.

Yeosang was undeniably attractive.

Wooyoung certainly couldn't be overlooked with his strong features and you'd heard him singing in the shower enough times to know he sounded angelic.

Together they could very easily look the part of an idol group.

They had not just the appearance but the skills to make it.

"I'll be back." You said hurriedly, standing and grabbing your phone.

There was a conversation to be had with Hongjoong.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"You want me to _suggest_ to KQ that they take us all on as trainees?" Hongjoong choked into his coffee cup, staring wide eyed at you over the rim of it once recovered.

It had taken you just under a week to be able to catch him at a time that suited you both, it was the first time in months that you'd seen him and he looked more exhausted than the last time. It only made you feel guiltier about adding onto the mountainous pile of stress he must be going through.   
  
His slender fingers were wrapped around the steaming cup in his hands like it was a lifeline and you were half tempted to pry it from him, because there was no way that his skin wasn't burning with the heat of the liquid inside. You held off only because he seemed to be relying on the grip to keep himself upright. 

"Well you're all attractive, talented. Why not?" You said carefully, sipping from your own cup. He made an incredulous sound, putting his cup down to rub his hands over his face.

He looked stressed, but he was also still considering the idea, you let out a tiny relieved breath. 

"Have you talked to any of them about this? You know they're all kind of busy with their own things. Most of them are in college, like you." He pointed out.  
  
You'd thought about discussing it with them first, or at the very least telling Yeosang about the idea. But there was no point in it unless Hongjoong agreed or at the very least thought it was a possibility worth considering.

In the time since the seed had planted itself, it had become more than just a way for you to get my project done. There was something about this being the perfect fit for all of them that you were now obsessed with, like this was the path they _needed_ to be on.

"Well I thought you could talk to them.." You hummed, avoiding his exasperated glare.

"Y/N seriously, sometimes I wish I'd just walked past you sitting at the table with Yunho, Mingi and Yeosang." You grinned in response to him, sensing the weakening in his resolve to hate this idea. "Fine, let's get them all here and talk to them. If they agree then I'll talk to KQ and try to get them to agree."  
  
You silently celebrated the small victory of him caving, reaching for your phone to text Yeosang to bring everyone over. He'd known that you were speaking to Hongjoong about your project and that you had wanted them all ready to join you both from the cafe next door, but he didn't know any more details beyond that.

It felt right that Hongjoong explain this to them, like a leader. 


	7. 『College ➵ Graduation』

"Are you seriously telling me that you don't think anyone is going to be impressed with my ability to whistle?" San whispered to you in an injured voice while Yunho and Mingi stood in front of the mirror that stretched over a whole wall opposite everyone else's figures on the ground.

You glared at him in the reflective surface as Hongjoong begged the boys with never ending energy to sit down and take a break. Seonghwa and Wooyoung were sprawled across the hard wooden floor, their eyes closed and somehow managing to steal a few moments of peaceful, precious, sleep amongst the mayhem of the room.

"San it's just whistling." Yeosang groaned from the other side of you, fingers rubbing exhaustedly through his hair. San frowned and crossed his arms, he wasn't used to being turned down or having to nurse his damaged ego. 

"Y/n, did you get any good pictures?" Mingi asked, panting heavily and still managing to plaster a wide smile on his lips as he sat himself down in front of you. His and Yunho's skin was red with exertion and, like all the boys in the practise room, their faces were lined with exhaustion.

You waved your camera around, nodding eagerly.

"I got enough to move into my own apartment after I graduate." You grinned proudly, glancing through the viewfinder and snapping a few pictures of Jongho pulling faces in the mirror, ones that you probably wouldn't be able to sell but would be great blackmail against him in the future.

Hongjoong and Seonghwa, freshly awakened by Mingi's loud voice, edged closer to your little gathering, ears perked to your words.

It had been two years since your conversation with Hongjoong in a little cafe, convincing him to begin the journey they were on now. In a week you graduated from college, though you hardly needed it now. Thanks to the project you'd done when KQ accepted them as trainees you were top of my class and made money off of KQ by documenting your friends' progress to 'stardom'.

"We told you that you could just move into the dorms with us." Seonghwa admonished you in an aggrieved tone, peering at me curiously.

You remembered the conversation he was talking about and while living with eight of your best, and only, friends was appealing, you'd read enough cheap fiction books to know that it wouldn't end well for at least one of you.

"I'm getting my own apartment as a security blanket. I'll stay with you guys most of the time." You assured him, hoping the semi lie would be enough to sate him for the time being. He had enough on his plate to deal with now, being the oldest member of a group that was just two weeks away from finally debuting, he felt like their successes and failures were going to ride on his shoulders.

And Hongjoong, though neither of them would admit that they were being slightly crushed by the weight and the rest of them wouldn't admit that they were terrified now that all their hard work was about to come to the surface.

Even Yeosang, who had his head now resting just on the edge of your leg, was probably going over the same list of things that had to be done before the end of the week to ensure their debut went well and you wouldn't be surprised if he hadn't already done everything on that list more than once just today alone.

"Hungry." Yunho groaned softly from the ground not far away, lifting both of his arms dramatically before letting them fall hard and fast onto the ground beside him with a painful sounding crash that had everyone else in the room aside from Jongho wincing empathically.

"Be careful, idiot." The youngest snapped from in front of the mirror where he had been carefully stretching out his muscles after their last dance practise. Yunho shot him a wounded look whilst rubbing his elbows and Mingi made a cutting throat motion at San, earning a bout of high pitched giggles from him.

"Seriously guys." Hongjoong groaned, looking between his members with exasperation. Your heart ached for him, he was supposed to be just their friend, but more often than not he had to pull the leader card on them when they couldn't get their focus sorted out. "We debut in a week, Yunho you need to make sure you're not injured for then. Jongho you don't need to be an ass and Mingi and San..." Hongjoong just trailed off, shaking his head at them with slightly more irritation than normal and the room fell silent in a stifiling way.

"I'll get food." You said suddenly, leaping to your feet and wincing when Yeosang's head crashed to the hard floor without the support.

He groaned quietly and the rest of the group snickered.

"You're gonna go alone to get enough food to feed 9?" Hongjoong and Seonghwa asked in unison, eyebrows raised at you. You blinked, taken aback by the synchronicity in their question.

"I..."   
  
"No she's not, I'll go with her." Wooyoung sat up from his 'rest' blinking tiredly over at everyone and offering you a half smile that you returned gratefully.

Tomorrow we stopped being roommates. It was weird.

Though he was usually at the dorms with the rest of the boys now, there was still some kind of finality about you graduating and moving to your own apartment.

"Thanks Woo." You mumbled as you both headed out of the KQ building, taking a short cut towards one of the nearest take out stores that all of the boys thankfully loved.

"Mm anything for my favourite girl." He shot back with a wink which you pretended to smirk at, taking the light flirting in your stride as per usual.

It was your thing now, to flirt without really wanting to gain anything out of it. It always had been really. 

"So are you really gonna get your own apartment?" He asked on your way back, the both of you holding multiple bags filled with food between you. You glanced sideways at him.

"That's the plan yeah." You affirmed tersely, wondering why his question sounded so loaded. And why it bothered you so much to be answering it honestly?

Wooyoung chuckled, adjusting his grip around his plastic bags, slowing his steps somewhat.

You could feel his gaze heating the side of your face though and bit back the urge to turn and return his stare. That would only confirm he was staring.

"Y/N did you ever consider it?" He finally asked, stopping. You sighed out and stopped as well, reluctantly turning to face him. It was the wrong time to point out that the food in your bags was going to get cold if you stood here to have a conversation that he intended to be a lengthy and serious one, and judging by the look in his eyes that was exactly what he wanted.

"Consider what Wooyoung?" You asked resignedly. Youknew exactly what he was talking about, where he wanted this conversation to go. But if you delayed it, if you played stupid, just maybe he wouldn't pursue it.

He stared at you silently, patiently.

"Y/n."

You sighed again.

"Wooyoung we're friends." There it was, the look of hurt in his eyes that you'd wanted desperately to avoid. But he nodded in understanding, accepting what you were saying.

"You ever going to tell him?" He asked, falling back into a slow walk with you. You glanced at him, frowning. There was a sickening moment of realisation in the depths of your stomach before he glanced back, smiling bitterly.

"Yeosang, Y/n. Are you ever going to tell him how long you've been in love with him?" Your muscles were neither jelly nor wooden, and yet they were both. Every joint felt locked in place but everything continued to move. You wondered if your skin had lost all colour or if it was just your vision lacking colour right now.

"I don't.. don't know what you're talking about." You choked out, drawing in a ragged gasp of panic. 

He knew.

How did he know??

Who else knew?

The overwhelming sensation of falling gripped you as you stepped over the threshold into the KQ building.  
  
Seonghwa had always known and you'd long made peace with his occasional glances or grimaces of understanding. But if Wooyoung knew.. The others could, _Yeosang_ could. 

Wooyoung placed his bags down and then grabbed yours, prying your trembling fingers from around the handles and putting them down with the rest.

"Calm down. I'm not going to tell him, nobody else knows and if they do they wouldn't tell him either." He grabbed your face, pressing his forehead to yours. The warmth of his breath on your face brought you somewhat back to the present. You allowed the hold for a few moments, needing the closeness of someone, anyone, right now.

"Am I interrupting something?" A cold, achingly familiar voice asked from behind you. You reeled away from Wooyoung, turning in time to crash directly into the chest of your best friend.

"Yeosang-" You cried out in horrified surprise, staring up at him.

Had he heard what Wooyoung had said?

Was that why he looked angry?

Oh god.

"Don't let me keep you, I just came for the food." He responded flatly, hands dropping from your shoulders where he'd caught you.

You stared helplessly as he swept up all of the bags of food, effortlessly carrying them where Wooyoung and you had struggled with just half each and disappearing down the hallway. A few moments later the slam of the practise room door echoed back up to you and you winced.

He _was_ mad.

Your heart began to crumble.

He was mad. 

  
  
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───  
  


Cheers filled the hall, hats filled the air.

"Congratulations on graduating." Hongjoong murmured, wrapping you into a lenghty embrace. You simply slumped against him, cheek digging into the soft material of his woolen jacket.

It was a nice jacket.

His fingers smoothed over your back, his sigh ruffling your hair.

You had just graduated, secured a degree that would keep you a job for the rest of your life if KQ ever stopped requiring your services, and yet you felt empty.

It had been a week since Yeosang had answered your calls. A week since he'd maybe overhead Wooyoung talking about your feelings for him.

You were graduating and your best, first and oldest friend hadn't come, hadn't even sent a message of luck or congratulations. 

"Everyone else is here though." San said softly from beside Hongjoong, his round eyes holding yours in silent understanding. You didn't need to say out loud what you were feeling, everyone was highly aware of the lack of Yeosang here today. You flicked him a half-hearted grateful smile, staying in the comfort of Hongjoong's arms.

Right now this was just about the extent of what you were capable of dealing with, you'd never needed his presence as an older brother figure more than you did now.

"It's going to be okay." Yunho promised you in his gentlest voice when Hongjoong finally let you go, passing you on to the even warmer hold of Yunho. His arms encircled you like a cloud and his voice weaved it's way into your ears like a warm hot cocoa on a cold day.

But you still felt empty.

"Don't make those kinds of promises, Yun." You mumbled into his chest, fingers digging into the material of his button up shirt. He just hummed, either refusing to agree or figuring that words weren't going to change anything now. If it were the latter, you had to agree. 

Soon everyone else was gone from the hall and it was just you, you and your group of silent but supportive best friends.

Minus one.

"Come on, Y/n. Let's get you to your apartment." Mingi finally broke the silence that had stretched for almost an hour now. You looked up at him from your position on the ground.

Your back and shoulders ached from sitting in the same position for so long and the exhaustion and disappointment you felt was reflected on each of the boys faces around you.

You had all been hoping that Yeosang would show up, would apologise profusely for missing your graduation and sweep you into a hug that would erase all the pain and confusion of the last week.

Wooyoung had kept his distance, both during the week and today, but now he was at your side, lifting you on your shaking legs with guiding hands and soft words.  
  
Truthfully you had almost forgotten about your apartment. Everything seemed insignificant and miniscule in the light of Yeosang disappearing from your life.

Again.

Except this time it might be _your own fault_. This time you couldn't blame anyone else, you couldn't feign confusion or ignorance.

He was disgusted at the very thought of your feelings for him.

Jongho opened the car door for you, Seonghwa helped you remove the gown and hat that still clung to you from the graduation ceremony, carefully folding them and handing them to San to deposit into the back of the car.

You wanted to tell them to just leave them on the side of the road or in the nearest bin - you didn't need or want the reminder of the day that was supposed to have been one of the best day of your life and how it quickly became one of the worst.

But your throat burned with disuse and your lips trembled with unspoken emotions, so you didn't. You just let Wooyoung pull your down into the seat beside him, and leaned your head back while Seonghwa clicked the safety belt around your waist.

You were being ridiculous and weak, pathetic even, a small part of your mind screamed this, knew it.

But your body wouldn't react to that, couldn't.

All you wanted now was to be in bed, cocooned in blankets and surrounded by the comfort of the only people that you had left to fill the ever growing gaping hole in your chest.


	8. 『Real Life』

**_6 Months Later_** ➳ **  
**  
The air was getting colder again.  
  
Which was nothing compared to what it felt like inside of your chest everytime you dropped into Ateez's dorm to see the boys.   
  
There was no way to describe the feeling that took over your body whenever Yeosang excused himself without a glance your way, disappearing along with any possibility of a good mood amongst you all.   
  
Ateez.   
  
That was how you thought of them now, even though they were still your best friends. They were also Ateez, worldwide famous boy group now.   
  
They'd all grown in ways that you couldn't even fathom, despite having seen it with your own eyes. You were here at their dorms more often than you were at your own place, mostly out of the hope that the more you were around the more the ice cold barrier between Yeosang and you would chip.   
  
Maybe one day he would see you as his best friend again.   
  
"Hungry?" Wooyoung asked, pushing the left over half of his sandwich towards you. You caught the plate against your wrist, staring thoughtfully down at it.   
  
Chicken and cheese.   
  
"Nope." You flicked the plate sideways to Jongho who easily caught it and devoured the sandwich in moments. Wooyoung rolled his eyes and lifted the glass of water to his lips, staring at you as he sipped.   
  
There was an emotion in there that was there almost everytime he looked at you now.   
  
Guilt.   
  
He entirely blamed himself for the divide between Yeosang and you.   
  
"Y/n! You're here!" Yunho dropped down on your other side, slinging an arm around the back of your chair and flashing you a genuinely delighted grin as he settled into his seat. His long legs took up more room than anyone else when he sat at this table and there were multiple small bruises on the caps of his knees where they constantly banged into the edge of the table.   
  
And yet he still sat down here everytime, not one to miss out on socialising.   
  
"When isn't she." Jongho muttered around a mouthful of chicken, earning a disgusted glare from you. He just grinned, returning his attention back to the phone in his hands. It wasn't his, none of them actually had phones anymore which made contacting them a little more difficult.   
  
Maybe that was another reason that you spent more time here than your own place.   
  
"Guys, we've got practise." Yeosang shoved his head into the room, skillfully avoiding your hopeful gaze before ducking back out, his soft footsteps carrying him away, presumably to Hongjoong's room. 

You sighed heavily, dropping your chin onto the table.   
  
It hurt less and less now to be completely ignored, better than being on the receiving end of glares and spiteful words like at the beginning. But a part of you felt missing inside, like it couldn't ever be whole without him.   
  
It had nothing to do with your feelings for him, which had yet again been powerfully locked deep deep within the darkest corners of your mind. It was your best friend that you craved, that you missed.   
  
"He'll come around." Yunho said softly.   
  
You didn't bother responding - you didn't need to.   
  
Of course he would. Eventually he'd get sick of treating you like you were the walking plaque in his own home. Eventually he'd grow tired of ignoring his friends questions about you and your friendship, their endless pokes at why he refused to move on from his mysterious grudge.   
  
But it didn't mean that your friendship would come back, that he could overlook what he'd heard. You didn't entirely blame him, it must be hard to know how to navigate forgiveness for you not only hiding having feelings for him but also telling Wooyoung rather than himself.   
  
You couldn't blame him for hating the very idea of you having feelings for him. But you still ached inside at the loss your feelings had cost you.   
  
Wooyoung got up and left silently, his steps following the direction of Yeosang's.   
  
At some point Yeosang would also get sick of having to pretend to smile at Wooyoung on camera and not meaning it. Afterall, despite his guilt, Wooyoung hadn't been the one in the wrong. All he'd been doing was listening, comforting you.   
  
You inhaled bitterly, remembering the day clearly. If anything Wooyoung had been making an attempt at saving his friend from you having feelings for him by trying to offer himself. You couldn't fathom why else Wooyoung had chosen that particular moment to suddenly act on his flirting, to question why you wouldn't want to try things with him.   
  
Maybe their friendship would be okay.   
  
You hoped so.   
  
  


**A/N** ➳ Just more of a filler chapter, to set up for the next chapter. I'm sorry I have to use such huge time jumps throughout this story! Hopefully it's okay - It was the easiest way to write it, otherwise it would've been like 50 chapters long and honestly speaking, I don't have the creativity to fill in meaningless time between the milestones in the story timeline. I hope you're enjoying - I'm sorry that most chapters are so short! 


	9. 『Tentative Boundaries』

_Pain._

That's all there was.

Somewhere along the line everything else had fallen away and now you were just a walking pole of aching limbs and forced smiles.

_Empty._

The camera strap dug into your skin as you hefted it higher, shoulder burning with pain. The strap dug into this particular spot so often that you knew no amount of shifting would ease the discomfort. 

"...Just a bit more to the left, Seoho." You gestured with your other arm, ignoring the imbalance it caused you to move in such a way. Seoho cast you an apologetic look, shifting himself to the left, his right arm bringing Hwawoong into the frame with him.

"We're almost done." Ravn called to his members, exhaustion lining his voice. You pressed my finger down, capturing as many images as you could, as quickly as you could.

_Alone._

"Well done guys." You called, relief lacing your voice as your cramped muscles were finally relieved of the weight of the camera. Keonhee, Xion and Leedo leapt out of their places from behind, rushing to Seoho and Hwawoong.

Ravn stayed back.

"You okay?" He asked quietly, kneeling to help you pack away the camera, his fingers holding the bag edges so that it could slide safely into place without getting snagged. You grimaced at him, sweeply the lens with a cloth before capping it and closing the bag.

"It's been a long day." You responded, slinging the bag over your shoulder. You didn't need to tell _him_ that though, Ravn was the leader of this group and well aware of the length that the day had stretched on into, you could see that in the slight slump of his shoulders and ruffled mess his hair had become from his worried fingers shelving through it during his member's shoots.

And it wasn't over, not for you at least. Now you had to go home to your cold and empty apartment and sit in your still barely furnished lounge room to flick through the thousands of photos you had taken today to choose a select 20 to send to Oneus' agency for promotions.

"We can give you a lift if you want." Leedo said, suddenly appearing in front of you, his slender hand extended to help you rise to my feet. He held steady as you struggled to straighten your stiff and tender legs below yourself, his fingers warm around yours and eyes patient as you considered his question.

Normally you would reject it, because your apartment was barely a five minute walk from RBW Entertainment, but you weren't going back to your apartment tonight.

"I'm going to the dorms tonight." You muttered to Leedo, trying to tug your hand from his now that you were upright and stable on your feet. He held fast, smiling easily back at your confused expression.

"That's on our way." You blinked, eyes darting between your still interlocked hands to his face. It hadn't struck you during your time spent with him so far just how beautiful his eyes were, or how sharp his jaw was. You spent so much time around attractive people now that you'd long since stopped noticing how attractive one person was to the next.

"Right." You said softly, forcing yourself to look away, cheeks reddening. Ravn snickered from behind you and you tried to ignore it, trying to refocus yourself. You were hardly in a position to start falling for someone, especially not someone that you were working _for._

"Alright, stop torturing her Leedo, let's go." Keonhee grinned on his way past, winking at you. You choked, trying your best to recover and respond with a glare which was quickly swiped away when Leedo stepped in between you, grabbing for your camera bag.  
  
You tried to hold onto it, pouting a little when his fingers deftly avoided your defensive slaps and snagged the strap of the bag, tugging it with ease onto his shoulder whilst he smiled, clearly proud of himself. 

"Come on." He chuckled, other hand grabbing your wrist and leading you along behind him, as if you suddenly didn't know the way to their car without his help.

You couldn't find it in yourself to argue over that with him though, or to bother pulling out of his hold.   
  
It was nice to be looked after for once. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"Y/n!" A chorus of happy and excited voices greeted you the moment you opened the door and you had a brief glimspe of the light in the hall before a mass of bodies crashed into you, knocking both the breath from your lungs and your train of thought from your mind.

San's dimpled smile, Yunho's blinding blue hair, Mingi's overjoyed yelling, Seonghwa's calm distance, Wooyoung tight hold, Jongho's sarcastic comments, Hongjoong's kind eyes.

They were all here to greet you.

"Guys, guys!" You groaned, trying to surface out from below the mess of their embraces. "I can't breathe!"

Seonghwa laughed, reaching out to grab your wrist and drag you carefully out of the mess of limbs, pressing a quick kiss to your temple in the process.

"Sorry." Yunho panted, grinning his beagle like smile and slapping Mingi's hand from his elbow.

"You're home?" You turned, peering around Seonghwa to see the newcomer to the scene, although there was only one person it could be. You didn't need to see his face to recognise the deep timbre voice. 

Yeosang.

"Yeah." You smiled cautiously, lifting your hand in a wave. There was a moment of uncertainty before he crossed the space and drew you into a warm hug. The kind that washed away the aching of your muscles from today and dashed the lonliness that had followed you like a shadow through the long hours of getting the boys into the right poses.

Everything was right again.

"Man it's good to see you two being right again." Jongho commented as he squeezed past you both, his hand reaching out to squeeze your shoulder before he disappeared back into his and Yeosang's room. You smiled after him, silently agreeing.

It had taken you almost a year to earn something more than silence or angry stares from Yeosang, but you'd gotten there and bridged the issues between you. Somewhat. 

Things weren't quite the same as they were _before_ , but you didn't talk about it. If you did, you were terrified that the fragile middle ground would fall away and you would lose your best friend again.

Your mind wandered back to Leedo's warm smile as you followed Yeosang into the kitchen, sliding silently into your normal seat while he searched for something to make into dinner for you both.

It felt sudden, and yet completely normal, for your heart to speed unevenly at the thought of his hand around yours. How long had it been since you'd had a real crush on someone that wasn't Kang Yeosang? You almost couldn't remember if there ever had been someone that gave you those kinds of butterflies.   
  
In high school you'd dated, but it hadn't been serious, because your heart had been so slaved to the idea that Yeosang would one day see you as more than his best friend that you hadn't ever allowed them to be more than just flings.   
  
And after high school... What had been the point? Working was what was important to you, and it still was. But finally your life was looking straightened out and neat and you had the space in your mind to think about yourself for once. 

"You alright?" Yeosang asked, glancing up at you from the stove. You blinked, forcing yourself back to the present. Judging by the discarded packets on the benchtop he was making ramen for dinner. 

"I'm fine." You hummed, smiling at him. He pursed his lips curiously but nodded, turning to stir the water as it heated up. You didn't have the heart to remind him, as you'd always done, that stirring it wouldn't make it heat any faster. 

"So you were with them again today, right?" He asked, back completely turned to you now as he reached for something that his shoulders obscured.

"Yeah." You said carefully, leaning back in your seat. The part of you that was still wishing for your old friendship was ready to blurt all about Leedo's flirting today, about how you might actually be considering the possibility of letting someone else into your life for the first time, that you were sick of being alone. But the reality of it was that you had no idea what you could talk to Yeosang about anymore, whether that would trigger some memory in him of that day he'd overheard Wooyoung and you.

So you didn't tell him about Leedo despite the words burning on your lips, but you did tell him about everything else.

"You really like them huh?" He muttered, dropping the dried noodles into the boiling water, jaw set. Steam rose in soft translucent curls from the water and a few drops of water flew out, sizzling into more steam on the hot surfaces they landed on.

"They're funny and sweet and easy to work with." You smiled in agreement, unable to help the fleeting image of Leedo that came to your mind as you spoke. "And the pay is amazing."

Yeosang grunted in acknowledgment of you answer, moving to the side when you approached to grab two bowls out from the cupboard in front of him. They made a clinking sound as you deposited them on the marble benchtop.

"You could work for us again you know." He pointed out, turning the flame off and tipping the flavour packets into the pot with the leftover water and noodles. Your stomach growled at the aroma that filled the kitchen.

Somewhere in the dorms Mingi and Wooyoung were arguing loudly over whose turn it was to use the bathroom and San was attempting to drowm them out by screaming out the lyrics to their upcoming release.

"We've talked about this Yeosang." You said over their sounds, fighting back an amused smile as you accepted your bowl out of his outstretched hands and returned to your seat with it.

"I know, but KQ would pay you even better and you'd be with us all day." He seated himself beside you, pausing to tip a ridiculous amount of pepper into his bowl. You wrinkled my nose at it. "You could be with _me_."

That was the very reason it was a bad idea, you refrained from pointing out.

You had just barely regained control of your friendship, you weren't about to jeopadise that over a better pay.

"I like working with Oneus." You responded simply and firmly, putting an end to the conversation. Yeosang frowned, shovelling food into his mouth. He had more to say, you could see it roiling around in the depths of his eyes, but he wasn't going to push it right now. You were grateful, you had enough going around in your mind right now. 

"Come watch a movie with us!" Yunho and Mingi shoved their heads into the kitchen. Mingi's hair was still glistening with water, he must have won the argument with Wooyoung.

You grinned at them both and agreed after Yeosang nodded at them, hurrying to finish your dinner.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"We've seen this movie a thousand times, Min." Yeosang groaned, shifting himself down onto the ground beside you, draping the blanket that he'd gotten up to retrieve over both of your legs.

Mingi turned to glare at him, dark eyebrows pulled together menacingly.

"We don't have anything new." Yunho muttered in irritation from the other side of the room, nursing his elbow. He'd knocked it in his latest attempt to steal the remote from Mingi.

"That's not my fault!" Mingi protested loudly and Yeosang sighed, dropping his head back onto the couch behind his head.

"Remind me why you agreed to watch a movie with them, and why we're sitting on the floor when there's enough room on the lounge for us." Yeosang asked you in a low voice, tilting his head to look at you.  
  
You drew your side of the blanket further up your body, smiling tiredly.

"You said yes first besides I assumed they'd be too tired to argue for once, and because there's more space down here. And it's cozy!" Yeosang shook his head at your response.

"Y/n you're the only tired one, you overworked yourself again." You shrugged, moving closer and resting your head against his shoulder. Normally you wouldn't do it, but there was a lack of things to lean against and you desperately needed a few moments to nap. 

"Tell me when they start the movie, I'm resting my eyes." You murmured, eyes already closed by the time the last word left your lips. You barely heard Yeosang's agreement before the world disappeared.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"Y/n time to get up." You shuddered at the wash of warm air brushing against your skin, coaxing you out of dreams about... well whatever the dream had been about was something nice.

"No." You mumbled, casting your hand out to knock away the offender trying to pull you from the warmth and relative safety of your dream.   
  
Things had been so uncomplicated in the blissfull unawareness of sleep. 

"Don't hit me, get up, you can sleep in my bed." Wait.

"Yeosang?" You forced one reluctant eye open, squinting into the awaiting darkness until his form swam into focus, barely visible in the low light of his phone screen, angled below his chin so you could see him. He nodded at you, looking as exhausted as you felt despite having probably gotten more rest than he had now. 

"I fell asleep?" You murmured, peering around for some indication of the time. The only clock they had in here was one in the kitchen though, so the search was useless and time consuming - time that could be better spent sleeping.

"You did. Don't worry, you didn't miss much aside from Mingi and Yunho arguing." Yeosang smiled, rubbing the back of his hand across his eyes. You yawned in response, burrowing deeper below your pile of blankets, which had grown considerably since you'd fallen asleep. "Don't you dare go back to sleep."

"It's late right?"

"It's Eleven." He muttered, glancing down at the phone in his hand. You nodded, closing your eyes again.

"Right, it's late. Let me sleep." A moment of silence followed your request and for a heartbeat you believed that he would just get up and go, let you sleep like you'd requested. 

"You're not sleeping on the floor, come to my room." You sighed, opening your eyes again, this time fixing him with a glare that you hoped would scare him into leaving you be. But his jaw was set stubbornly and his eyes flashed back daringly at you through the darkness, the glare of light from his phone in the reflection of his eyes gifting him a slightly terrifying effect.

"Yeosang I can't sleep in your room." You informed him sluggishly, feeling slightly less confident than you had seconds ago in opposing him.

"Why not?" He asked, frowning as if he really had no possible ideas as to why that was not only a bad, but a terrible, idea.

"Do you really need me to say it?" You glared, a bit more awake now as incredulous irritation washed over you at his reaction. 

He shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest expectantly.

"Okay first of all, it's Wooyoung's room too-"

"It's _my_ bed."

"Shut up!"

"Right- continue." He gestured loosely at you, eyebrows raised at the sudden change in your tone.

"Secondly, if I'm in your bed then where are you sleeping because that's not a bed for two people."

"We're both small."

"Yeosang!" You groaned in frustration, trying to understand where his mind was at. You'd slept in the same bed together before, plenty of times. But that had been when you were younger, things were different. And it had been bigger beds than the one in question now.

"Y/n what's really wrong, because I sure as hell know it's never bothered you before." Yeosang asked quietly, shining eyes holding yours across the small distance between you. You froze, trying to tear your gaze away.

You couldn't answer him truthfully, how could you explain that the very thought of sharing a bed with him made your skin tingle in ways that a best friend shouldn't be feeling. The last time he'd found out that you had feelings for him you'd stopped talking for a whole year.

And yet lying to him after everything you'd gone through felt just as wrong as telling the truth.

"Y/N?" Yeosang pushed, expression tightening in concern the longer that you stared wordlessly back at him, fingers twisting the top layer of blanket into tight knots. You opened your mouth to respond and then closed it when nothing came to you.

"It's just not a good idea." You finally choked out, hating yourself for being unable to lie, or tell the truth.

And hating him for putting you in this situation.

For years you had pined for him and now that you were finally considering moving on from your unrequited, unwanted, feelings for him, he was throwing you through hoops like he was trying to get you to slip up.

All desire to sleep had long fled your body, now your muscles trembled with the need to escape, to just run. But you were locked in place by his stare, by his presence.

"Fine, I'll sleep out here-" He started, confused but reluctant acceptance in his tone. You shook your head severely, tugging the blankets tighter to you.

"No. I'm sleeping here. Go to your room Yeo." 

He gaped, blinking rapidly as if trying to figure out the best way to continue arguing. For a moment, it looked like he really was going to, and then the fight seemed to deflate out of him in a deep sigh and he nodded slowly.

"Fine. Come and get me if you need me, or if it hurts your back sleeping out here." He murmured, standing up. A cold rush of air accompained the spot that his warmth had filled earlier and he cast you one more long glance before walking down the hallway towards his room, where Wooyoung no doubt would be woken by his dragging, heavy footsteps.

You could barely summon the energy to feel sympathy for him.


	10. 『Toe Over The Line』

_Brr. Brr._  
  
It could barely be two minutes past five am, surely.   
  
Definitely not time for you to be getting up yet, there wasn't enough sun touching the lids of your eyes for it to be that time yet.   
  
And yet the consistent vibrating of your phone on your beside table was unignorable and persistent, forcing you to sit up with an annoyed groan and snatch it up.   
  
"Who is it and what the _hell_ do you want?" You snapped into it after fumbling for a few seconds to slide your finger onto the answer icon.   
  
"Woah, Seoho was right, I should've let you sleep a bit longer-"  
  
" _Leedo?!_ " You reached up to rub your eyes, trying to force yourself to feel and sound more awake than you were. You glanced at the clock again to double check that you hadn't mistaken the time. You hadn't worked with Oneus for over a month, the last time you had seen Leedo was when he was crushing Xion in an inescapable one armed hug while demanding that he drop the last sandwich clutched in his hands.   
  
Xion had dropped the sandwich, right into the dirt below them.   
  
You smiled a little at the memory, leaning your head against the headboard of your bed. The smile faltered as you waited for Leedo to respond, trying to come up with any logical reason that he would be calling you, and at this hour too.   
  
_How did he even have my number?_  
  
"Leedo?" You persisted into the silence, straightening up. The anxiety in your mind tightened your tone and a small sound that brought the image of Leedo grimacing to your mind, came through the phone.   
  
"Yeah.. I'm still here." He muttered, voice barely audible.   
  
"What did you call me for then?" You asked, sighing. Your curiosity battled with your fatigue and half of you wanted to hang up and curl back below your blanket for another few hours while the other half of you was holding your breath in anticipation. What could he possibly have to call you for at barely five in the morning?   
  
"Well actually, maybe now isn't the best time to ask-"   
  
"Leedo!"   
  
"You're grumpy!" You rolled your eyes, roughly grabbing your blanket and dragging it over your limbs, legs curling below you.  
  
"Yeah because it's five in the morning and some imbecile is calling me and not even telling me what he wants! You have about a minute before I fall back asleep so talk quick or hang up." You waited, forcing yourself to count the seconds in your head, determined to give him no more or less than a whole minute to start explaining.   
  
Genuine irritation kicked in at 54 seconds.   
  
"Five seconds Leedo." The only indication he was even still on the line this entire time had been his steady breathing against the microphone, keeping almost perfect time with your counting.   
  
"Okay! Okay!" He yelled suddenly, forcing you to lean away from the phone until you were convinced he wouldn't yell again. Your ear ached as you pressed it back to the speaker warily. "I.. Look, I called to ask you out on a date."   
  
Your mind had barely processed his words before a strangled laugh forced out of your lips.   
  
"What." You choked, gasping for air between uncontrollable giggles.   
  
"You're laughing at me!" He sounded hurt, and you felt bad. You hadn't meant to laugh at him, and truthfully the situation was far from being amusing but you had no idea how else to react.   
  
Months ago you had thought that you might have feelings for him... and then he'd stopped talking, stopped flirting like he always had and you'd pushed any possibility of feelings far out of reach, forcing yourself to once again focus on finishing your job as their photographer then leaving at the earliest chance to avoid another Yeosang like situation.   
  
The last thing that you needed was for this to be a joke.   
  
And yet you didn't want to believe that it was anything but a joke.   
  
"Sorry, I'm sorry." You finally caught your breath, hand clutched to your chest in a tight fist. Tears had wet your cheeks and at this point you had no idea whether they were happy tears, tears from laughing so hard or just tears.   
  
Leedo said nothing, the only sound coming from the phone was a sigh ladden with emotions that you didn't have time to decipher.   
  
"Look, if you're not interested that's all you had to say alright?" He finally spoke, words slamming with painful reality into your chest.   
  
"Leedo-" You tried to interrupt, brain scrabbling for words to explain what was happening in your head.   
  
But he was faster.   
  
"I'm sorry I woke you up, Y/n." The line went dead and you slowly dropped your hand to your lap, phone tumbling out of your slackening fingers as you gaped at it.   
  


─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── 

"Y/N?" A hand grabbed your elbow and you turned quickly, hopefully, to face the speaker. Your shoulder's slumped when you found a surprised Ravn staring at you, his hair covering his forehead and light makeup donning his skin.   
  
"Don't look so happy to see me." He muttered sarcastically, eyebrows raised at your obvious disappointment. You shook your head guiltily, forcing a half hearted smile at him. You were happy to see him, but you had come here looking for Leedo.   
  
"Sorry, it's not you-" He held up a hand to stop you and you closed your mouth, lips pouting.   
  
"It's not me, it's you. Right?" He grinned easily, tucking his hands into his pockets. You grimaced back at him.   
  
You shouldn't be feeling sorry for yourself.   
  
If anyone should be feeling crappy right now, it was Leedo.   
  
Which was exactly why you needed to find him, to explain.   
  
"So who are you looking for?" Ravn asked, dark eyes holding yours curiously as Seoho and Keonhee approached, calling out surprised greetings to you over him. He flashed them a vaguely irritated sideways glare at being interrupted before refocusing on you, waiting patiently for a response.   
  
"I..." Your response trailed from your lips when a movement behind Seoho's shoulder caught your attention and Leedo's shocked, pale, face flashed between two of the staff in the midst of a heated discussion. You didn't bother finishing your sentence, taking off after his much faster, retreating, figure.   
  
"Leedo!" You yelled desperately, ducking past the staff and barely avoiding tripping over a prop on the ground. The thing was already battered enough to suggest that Leedo had already stepped on it.   
  
He was that desperate to get away from you.   
  
"Idiot." You cursed yourself as you darted after him, praying that he would run out of energy before you did because you definitely weren't going to catch up to him based on speed.   
  
The liklihood of that was low and your hopes dimmed further when you rounded a corner and found a locked door ahead of you and no sign of Leedo.   
  
"What do you want?" You twisted at the voice, eyes finding a panting Leedo braced against the far corner, his hair dishevelled and messy.   
  
"To explain myself!" You coughed, collasping against the opposite wall with a relieved breath. He stared warily over at you, body tensed as if ready to continue running if need be.  
  
You waited until you were sure that you were in control of your voice and had your breath before speaking next, watching him to make sure he didn't run off mid sentence.   
  
"I'm sorry for laughing at you this morning." He raised an eyebrow, looking away angrily. "But I wasn't laughing because you asked me out. I was..." You fumbled for the right words, resting your forehead in your hands.   
  
How could you explain years worth of pining for your best friend, of thinking that if he wouldn't even look twice at you then why would anyone else? How could you tell him that you'd been laughing because you couldn't believe that he would have the slightest interest in a nobody like you?   
  
"Look, Leedo. I like you. I do, and I want to go on a date with you. I was just shocked, you're honestly the first guy to ever ask me out first." You sacrificed the small detail unwillingly, looking anywhere but at him as your cheeks warmed with your words.   
  
It was definitely more than he needed to hear, but there was no way that you could explain things any differently, any better than this.   
  
His relieved laughter filled the air and suddenly the space next to you was filled with him flopping down, his arm snaking tentatively around your shoulder, squeezing you gently against him.   
  
"Okay." He said, tilting your chin up and smiling at you. You blinked, pursing your lips suspciously.   
  
"Okay?" You asked uncertainly, searching his gaze. He nodded, smile widening.   
  
"Yep, okay. Let's go get a coffee." Your eyes widened and your heart thudded unevenly. This was not at all how you had expected this conversation to end up. 

But you let him help you up and followed after him silently, saying nothing when he grabbed your hand and told his bandmates that you were going out on a date and that he would call them later.   
  
It wasn't until you were both sitting at a small circular table, your chairs moved closer together and your hands still laced together on top of it in front of your coffees that you finally realised what was happening.   
  
"We're really doing this." You said slowly, eyes drawn to and fixed on your hands. You hadn't even noticed until now that his thumb was stroking lazy circles on the back of your hand, like a habit that had always been there.   
  
Except it hadn't.   
  
You barely knew each other.   
  
"Are you going to pass out?" Leedo asked, seeming a lot less worried about the answer than he should be, his eyes crinkling with amusement as he watched you.   
  
"Maybe." You muttered, casting your gaze around you for the first time, getting your bearings. Birds fluttered around across the road in a park that had less trees than the street your apartment was on, their beaks unearthing dirt and pieces of rubbish in an effort to find scraps of food.   
  
The road was barely five steps away from the edge of your table and cars roared down it every few seconds, leaving barely more than a moment of silence between each vehicle and the next. The cafe itself was just a part of the many in this strip, there was nothing particularly remarkable about it.   
  
But the coffee was nice.   
  
"Y/n." Leedo's voice pulled your attention back to him, your eyes sweeping over his patient and yet somewhat anxious expression. He'd withdrawn his hands from yours, resting it in front of him while his foot tapped a steady beat of nerves into the concrete floor that the table was anchored into.   
  
He was as terrified as you were, as confused and desperate for this to work as you were.   
  
That helped.   
  
"So we're really doing this." You repeated your last statement more confidently, adding a smile this time. It was barely more than a nervous twitch of your lips, but it was there.   
  
His relief crashed onto his face like a wave breaking and spilling onto the shore in a foamy rush.   
  
"Yep." He grinned, easing out a long breath and tilting his head back into the sunshine. His hair, parted in the middle like it normally was, seemed to shift from black to ebony under the light and his eyes sparkling brightly as he peered over at you.   
  
Happiness flooded into you and you ducked your head, unable to disguise the sudden smile breaking across your own face.   
  
For once, Yeosang was the furthest thought from your mind.   
  
For once you were enjoying someone's company without the deep ache in your chest for someone who didn't want you back.   
  
For once you felt... Weightless.   
  
Happy.   
  
  



	11. 『Hook, Line & Sinker』

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is vveeerrrrrryyyyyy angsty ~

Squeals filled the air and you gasped for air, scrabbling out of your position on the floor and out of the digging fingers grabbing at your side.   
  
"Leedo! No more!" You begged, letting out another squeal of shock when his hand encircled your wrist and pulled you back down, on top of him.   
  
"You don't like my tickles?" You squirmed against his chest, attempting to knock his hands from your sides, small fits of giggles escaping between your protests.   
  
"Leedo!" You whined through a laugh, clamping your hands around his and trying once again, unsuccessfully, to escape him. His left leg held you in place and he leant up, pressing delicate kisses over your face, ignoring your continuing protests about needing to get work done.   
  
"Stay here." He whispered, eyes finding and holding yours, stilling your efforts to escape him.   
  
You'd already put off your work for a whole week, opting to spend your days beside Leedo and your nights curled up at his side, catching moments of sleep between your lengthy talks. It had been at least ten days since you'd last seen any of your friends and a solid fourteen since you'd last spent the night at Ateez's dorms.   
  
Your relationship had come foremost.   
  
It trumped everything.   
  
The happiness was as addicting as shovelling down a litre of icecream during sad movies and Leedo's presence was a welcome addition to what had once been your shrivelled up, hopeless life.   
  
You were a month in and you still hadn't even told them though. So while you wanted to stay here with him, watch another movie while he played with your hair and told you some childhood story, you couldn't.   
  
"I can't. Not today." You murmured back to him, seizing his lack of restraint to get up, grabbing your shoes from the floor and forcing them onto your still moving, stumbling feet. He propped himself up, watching you with a curious expression. "I have work."   
  
The 'work' was turning up to their dorm and hoping they were there, while you still had the courage to come out and tell them about your relationship.   
  
If you didn't do it now, who knows how long you would go avoiding them in an attempt not to spill it at the wrong time, to the wrong one of them.   
  
It was better to do it now, quickly and while they were all together and not on tour.   
  
"Fine." Leedo grumbled, getting up and sweeping you into a tight hug, his face buried into the side of your neck.   
  
"Stay here until I come back?" You asked hopefully when he finally released you, turning a hopeful gaze towards him. He grimaced, glancing at the watch strapped loosely around his wrist. Your hope plummeted to the bottom of your stomach.   
  
"We have practise today." He responded apologetically, sighing. You nodded, understanding. You worked with idol's for a living, snapped photos of them and sold your work back to the companies. You would be an idiot if you didn't understand that he was going to be busy more often than not. This week had been a blissful one off that probably wouldn't be repeating for a long while.   
  
"Alright," You stood on your toes to press a light kiss to his lips. "Then I'll call you tonight."   
  
He nodded, slipping his own shoes on and sweeping up his jacket from the floor, where it had been laying for almost the entire week now. Puffs of dust rose up from it and you snickered, tucking your keys into your pocket and waiting for him to leave before stepping out and locking the door behind you.  
  
Time to face your best friend and explain your distance.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── 

"Hey stranger." Hongjoong greeted you with a surprised look, pausing in the hallway as you let the front door close slowly behind you. His hair was red now, and much shorter than when you had seen him last. It looked good, it suited him.   
  
"I like your hair." You nodded at him, smiling uneasily. He raised an eyebrow, one hand lifting absently to touch the top of his head.   
  
"Right... You hadn't seen it yet." The words felt like a slap to the face or a punch to your gut, maybe both. Reality kicked in and you realised just how much you must have missed, just how distant you had actually become from the boys that you had grown up with, that you considered your family.   
  
"Y/n?" The heavy, uncomfortable, silence that had settled over you was shattered by Yunho appearing over Hongjoong's shoulder, his mouth open wide in surprise. A towel was draped around his shoulders and his hair was still wet. A lot of the vibrant blue it must have been before had faded from it, leaving it a mixture of soft blue, blonde and faint dark where his natural hair colour was beginning to grow back.   
  
Drops of water were sliding down the side of his face and neck, though he barely seemed to care as he stepped forward and swept you into a bone crushing hug, wet head burying into your neck.   
  
"We've missed you." He said quietly, lacking his normal bouncy loudness and exuberance. You frowned, peering at Hongjoong over the top of his shoulder until he pulled away, a forced smile on his lips.   
  
Something was wrong.   
  
Really wrong.   
  
Hongjoong was frowning too, barely even attempting to feign happiness now. The initial shock of seeing you must have worn off because he was looking anywhere but at you now as Yunho slipped silently past you both, back the way he'd come from.   
  
Back towards the bathroom, from which steamy air had still been escaping from his shower.   
  
The door clicked closed behind him, leaving Hongjoong and you once again in an uncomfortable silence, only this time it felt twice as suffocating.   
  
"What..." You blinked, staring anxiously down the hall as if an answer would present itself to you from behind Hongjoong. But there was only an odd darkness that felt colder than the air outside the dorm and the silence continued as Hongjoong continued to evade your stare.   
  
There was a wounded air to him.   
  
You had been expecting Yeosang to be upset with you, angry even, for blowing him off so many times without any real explanations.   
  
You hadn't thought that _everyone_ would be taking it to heart that you hadn't come around, that you hadn't returned their calls.   
  
"I came to explain." You filled the tense space with the only words that you could think of that would snap him out of his staring contest with the ceiling. His frown deepened but he nodded slowly, glancing at you.   
  
He still had contacts in his eyes, they must have had a performance today.   
  
You gave up on waiting for him to make the first move and forced your way past him, down the empty hall and into the usually busiest room in the dorm - the living room.   
  
Normally there would be at least three of the eight boys sprawled across the surprisingly luxurious sofa, either arguing over what to use the tv for or complaining at whoever won the usage of the tv.   
  
Normally if there were at least three of your friends in here, the tv would still be left on, playing one of San's idiotic favourites or filling the room with the sounds of some game lobby that Mingi and Jongho had left it on. Normally the room was a mess, with cushions and blankets bean bags scattered almost haphazardly around the floor space.   
  
But now it was nothing like that. Now it was perfectly clean, quiet and empty. It felt like a cemetery filled with the ghosts of your friends. Tears filled your eyes, blurring the room and burning the back of your throat with sudden emotions.   
  
Why did your personal happiness have to come at a cost like this?   
  
A hand touched your shoulder, warm and understanding, arm slinging around you and drawing you against a familiar and comforting chest.   
  
"Where have you been?" Seonghwa's words stirred the hair on top of your head, his sigh vibrating through your body as he held you and let you cry silently into his more than likely clean shirt. He didn't complain, he never would.   
  
"I'm sorry." You whispered, voice barely more than a whimper of air from your throat as you slackened against him, trying desperately to conjure up even a grain of the happiness you'd been soaring on the whole week and even the walk here. A bounce had been in your step, a smile had stretched your mouth so wide that your jaw hurt and it had felt like surely nothing in the world could dent the pure cloud of delight that you were flying on.   
  
But the cloud was a storm now, threatening to drown you under it's oppressive reality.   
  
The words you'd prepared yourself to tell your friends, the news you had wanted to break to them, felt like a petty excuse in the face of what their home, _your_ home, felt like.   
  
You had wanted to share your happiness with them and now it felt like you were going to be rubbing it in their faces.   
  
"Is she crying?" A small and extremely distinguishable voice asked from somewhere nearby. Seonghwa let you go, his shoulder blocking your view as he turned to answer San.   
  
"Of course she is. You would too." He chastised the younger, earning a slight hum of acknowledgement. San teetered around his older friend, reaching for you and swiping a tear from the corner of your eye with a sad smile.   
  
He didn't say anything though, his eyes said more than his mouth would have even if he had of spoken. He felt betrayed, confused and upset. All emotions he wasn't acccustomed to feeling and that put his vibrant world off kilter.   
  
And he hated that someone he loved and cared about could just suddenly disappear from his life for such a long amount of time without any word, any explanation that made any sense. He hated that he'd depended on you enough that it had hurt him, had allowed him to become vulnerable.   
  
You'd bet your life that was how most of them were feeling. You dreaded seeing the rest of their faces and at the same time you needed to.   
  
You needed to explain it to them because the thought of this impacting your friendship was more terrifying than even the idea of never seeing Leedo again.   
  
"Can you get everyone?" You asked them both, trying desperately to control the tremor in your voice as you sat on the edge of your favourite spot on the sofa. San and Seonghwa exchanged a long and silent look before Seonghwa dipped his head almost imperceptibly and they both disappeared in different directions, voices calling softly to their friends, your friends.   
  
You tried to steel myself for the conversation coming, tried to shove the shock and fear deep into the cavern of your mind where it couldn't interfere with what you _needed_ to do and say.   
  
Your resolve shattered piece by piece as each of your eight friends filtered with heavy footsteps and equally heavy expressions into the room, silently finding their own space in the room.   
  
The final piece of it become nothing more than a memory when Yeosang slipped in beside Wooyoung, the both of them with deep shadows below their eyes and nothing more than a glance to spare your way.   
  
Your throat closed around your words and a choking sound that might have been mortifying in any other situation escaped you. Your hand flew to your mouth when everyone's eyes snapped to you in worry despite their anger with you, burning tears slipping down your cheeks again.   
  
It wasn't meant to be this hard. It should never have gotten to this point.   
  
Your happiness had completely blinded you to the family that you had in this room, that you had forsaken for a stupid boy.   
  
Well not stupid, but you should have known better than to allow yourself to become so lost in the relationship.   
  
You bit down hard on your lip, forcing your breathing to return to normal as they waited, the worry never leaving their eyes.   
  
"I owe you all an explanation, and an apology." Eyebrows raised and a soft snort that came from Jongho's corner of the room squeezed your heart painfully and made you want to run away from them all, but you continued.   
  
"I-"   
  
"You abandoned us." Mingi muttered, lips a straight line as he glared at you. You blinked, taken aback by his angry expression. Yunho placed a placating hand on his friend's arm, grimacing apologetically at you.   
  
As if it were his fault.   
  
As if he was the one needing to be sorry.   
  
Something inside of you snapped and you scrambled to your feet, finding yourself in front of Mingi and glaring back up at him with surprising speed and courage.   
  
If he wanted, he could knock you flat and break every bone in your body in the mere seconds it would take you to draw in a breath.   
  
And maybe he should... But he wouldn't.   
  
That only made you angrier.   
  
  
"I didn't _abandon_ anybody." You snapped up at him, all too aware that you was completely misdirecting your emotions but beyond caring now. You shoved a finger into his chest, earning a shocked breath of air from the boys either side of you and a raised eyebrow from Mingi himself. "How many times have all of you disappeared for weeks on end?"  
  
You looked around at the faces of your friends, dashing tears from your cheeks.   
  
"How many times have I forgiven you for hurting me, for ignoring my messages?" This time you cast your gaze towards Yeosang, directing your words to him. His jaw tightened and his eyes flashed with guilt.   
  
"How many years have I been at all of your damn sides, supporting you, helping you, CARING ABOUT YOU?" You ended your breath with a yell, whirling and stalking over to a cool faced Jongho.   
  
"How many times have I put up with each of your problems, put aside my personal issues to help you with yours?" His facade faltered and he looked away.  
  
"I take a break for a week and you all act like I freaking murdered your favourite pet." The anger was beginning to drain now and you slid to your knees in front of them, head bowed.   
  
The silence became suffocating.   
  
So.  
  
Damn.  
  
Hard.  
  
To.  
  
Breathe.  
  
"I just need..."   
  
For them to understand.  
  
For things to be the way they were.   
  
  
"I need you to forgive me."   
  
Were you seriously asking them to forgive you?   
  
All of this could have been avoided. All you'd had to do was tell them, instead of hiding and thinking that none of them would understand.   
  
They were your best friends. You had known them for the better part of ten years.   
  
"I forgive you." Arms encircled you from behind, cold nose burying into the hollow of your neck. The hands laced in front of you were bare of any rings and elegantly long, nails perfectly even crescents at the tip of each finger.   
  
And you would recognise those hands anywhere.  
  
Yeosang.   
  
  
  
**A/n -** Welp. This one definitely got a bit more dramatic than I was expecting, honestly I think I was feeling a little dramatic as I was writing this. The next chapter will definitely be a lot lighter! I just felt that the story was losing direction a little.  
  
What do you think? Too much? Let me know ;p


	12. 『Light』

The side of your face was probably marked with the indentation of Yunho's jacket when you finally forced yourself to sit up, eyes aching from the night of crying and uneven bursts of sleep here and there.   
  
The blue haired boy shifted his arm carefully to let you stand, throwing you a tired smile before curling up in the spot you'd left, eyes closing almost immediately and face relaxing.   
  
You stepped around San and Wooyoung, sprawled out beside one another on the floor and moved into the kitchen. The sun glimmered over the horizon on the other side of the thick paned window and you propped your elbows on the edge of the sink, peering thoughtfully out at the sunrise.   
  
The conversations of last night already felt a million years old, though your guilt was as fresh as ever.   
  
It had been good to spend the night with your friends, to explain the best you could why you had completely evaded them for a month without sounding like some idiotic love sick girl.   
  
It had been a failed attempt on that count, though seeing all of their genuinely happy faces when you told them the news had almost washed away the bad energy in the room.   
  
As the night had worn on the rest of it had evaporated.   
  
You breathed a sigh of relief, slumping forward and scooping water out of the sink onto your face.   
  
"Hey." Yeosang appeared at your side, voice gravelly and groggy. You cast him a sideways look, steeling myself to see any of the heart breaking expressions you'd seen him wearing last night.   
  
To your surprise there was nothing, just a careful blank slate.   
  
It was him you had been the most excited to tell about Leedo.   
  
You had hoped that whatever awkwardness hung over you from the conversation between Wooyoung and you that he'd overheard would dissipate when he realised that you had finally moved on from him.   
  
But instead he'd looked crushed when you had told them, tearing his gaze from yours and remaining silent while the rest of your friends cheered and congratulated you.   
  
And now he felt as distant as he had been when you'd first walked in here yesterday afternoon albeit considerably less mad.   
  
"Hey." You responded carefully, moving to give him access to the sink and watching as he scooped water against his tanned skin, droplets shining on his skin when he tilted his head up towards the sun.   
  
"So... Leedo." He hummed, glancing at you. You bit your lip, looking away from his questioning look.   
  
"You'd like him." You murmured, wondering if that was true, or if it was just wishful thinking. You wanted to believe that your best friend and the guy that you liked would get along, but a part of you felt like they couldn't possibly. Both were protective and both required too much attention to stand it being divided between them.   
  
"I will if it makes you happy," Yeosang said slowly, reaching out to tuck a strand of your hair, messy from your smooshed position against Yunho most of the night, behind your ear. You froze, barely daring to breath. "If _he_ makes you happy, Y/n, then I'll be happy for you."   
  
You struggled to come up with an appropriate response beyond shivering below his hand, which hovered just below your ear on your neck, warmth pulsating through it to your skin.   
  
The air between you felt electric and you had to force your gaze away, swallowing hard.   
  
You were with Leedo.   
  
You were happy with him.   
  
You weren't going to let the memory of feelings for Yeosang ruin that for you, or ruin the friendship that you had finally earnt back with Yeosang.   
  
"He does." You told him, praying that he believed it, and hoping that you meant it as much as it sounded like you did.   
  
Until yesterday, your whole world had become all about Leedo. Every moment with him felt precious, almost like a drop of pure sunlight frozen in time between you.   
  
But here, in front of Yeosang, there were things you were feeling that you'd never felt around Leedo.   
  
"I should get home." You coughed, stumbling a few steps away from Yeosang. He watched you with dark eyes, eyebrows pulled together like he was trying to figure something out.   
  
"I can take you." He offered, moving to follow as you started backtracking out of the kitchen.   
  
You were already shaking your head by the time he finished speaking, hands out behind you to avoid bumping into a wall.   
  
"Y/n." Yeosang shook his head, a reluctant grin sweeping his face as he watched you. He stopped following, holding up his hands. "Okay, calm down. I won't take you home."   
  
Your fingertips found the rough edge of the doorway and you slipped out of it, mumbling out a goodbye to Yeosang before rushing out of the dorm. The fresh blast of cold outside air helped somewhat to clear your mind and you grabbed for your phone, fingers finding Leedo's contact by memory and calling him.   
  
You were supposed to call him yesterday.   
  
Oops. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── 

"Is everything okay?" Leedo brushed his fingers across your jaw, his eyes watching your unfocused stare off with the end of your bed. You blinked yourself back to the present, forcing away the memories of Yeosang being _way_ too close to you just 24 hours ago, trying to convince yourself that you didn't care about it.   
  
"Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm just tired." You told him, being partially honest. Every muscle in your body heavy and pained and your head throbbed, your eyes burned with fatigue. It had been near 48 hours since you'd had a proper night of sleep.   
  
Leedo leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to first your temple then the corner of your mouth, his lips soft and careful against your skin.   
  
"I'll go so you can get some sleep." His words brushed against your mouth, sending a shiver of fire up and down your spine and without thinking your hand darted out to grab onto his wrist, locking him in place before he could get up.   
  
"Stay." You muttered, forcing your eyes to meet his. Whatever problems you were dealing with internally over Yeosang had nothing to do with Leedo, your undeniable chemistry flickered in the air between you like a live wire, drawing a great deal of you energy towards him.   
  
Yeosang was great, he was your best friend and the boy that you had wanted desperately for as long as you could remember.   
  
But Leedo was here, he was against you and his affection was as real as it could get.   
  
You weren't going to let the ghost of your feelings for Yeosang destroy the beginning of something incredible with Leedo.   
  
"Are you sure?" Leedo asked softly, his arms already encircling you, shifting you so that your head rested comfortably against his chest and your legs intertwined below the blanket that he covered your bodies with. You nodded into his torso, closing your eyes.   
  
"Yeah, stay." You could almost feel the smile on his lips as he pressed a last kiss to the top of your head before he let his head rest carefully back on your pillow.   
  


─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── 

  
The persistent buzzing of one of your phones was what finally ruined the peaceful sleep you both had fallen into and you lifted my head groggily from Leedo's chest, arm stretching over him to check which phone it was.   
  
"Leedo, wake up." You shook him gently, grabbing his phone and pressing it into his palms as he blinked his eyes open reluctantly. He answered the call, voice rough with disuse and sleep.   
  
"...can't it wait until tomorrow Keonhee?" He groaned, arm tightening around your waist as you watched him. The ghost of a smile touched your lips and you reached for your own phone, flicking away a few job offers until you found a few messages from your friends.   
  
' **Yunyun:** Hey! You didn't say goodbye to any of us!' You grinned to yourself, texting him back a quick apology.   
  
' **Woobear:** I expect a coffee date with my favourite girl to make up for not telling me about Leedo, you know?' Your grin widened at Wooyoung's light message and you promised him that you'd meet up in a few hours if he was free. His response was instant.   
  
' **Woobear:** I always have time for you, princess.' Good to know some things never changed, he was just as capable of his carefree flirting as always.   
  
"Y/n." Lips brushed your jaw like electricity and even if you'd wanted to ignore the yearning fire it started in your stomach, you couldn't have. Your gaze darted to meet Leedo's, finding a smirk on his mouth but an apology in his eyes. "We've got a surprise shoot for the comeback, I need to go."   
  
You struggled to find your train of thought as your eyes caught on his lips, your hands suddenly felt way too intimate placed carelessly against his chest.   
  
"It's fine, you should go." You told him, blinking rapidly.   
  
He grinned, hands catching your face and drawing you down against him, planting a long and slow kiss against your mouth, cutting off anything else you might have been planning to say.   
  
All thoughts of telling him that you'd be fine without him for a few hours completely disintegrated from your lips, your body responding almost desperately to him.   
  
Despite being almost a month and two weeks into your relationship, this was the first time that you'd come close to anything more than innocent stolen kisses and long hugs.   
  
The complete loss of your senses was both frightening and euphoric.   
  
"Don't you need to go?" You asked breathlessly against Leedo's mouth, inwardly cursing yourself for saying anything to ruin the moment. He tensed somewhat below you.   
  
"Yeah." And just like the moment was gone and you were being shifted gently but hurriedly to your side of the bed and his warmth was gone as he stood, hopping desperately towards his clothes and shoving his limbs into them.   
  
You hadn't even noticed that all you'd been wearing was boxers until now. Your cheeks burned.   
  
"I'll see you tonight?" Leedo called over his shoulder, flashing you a bright smile. You nodded wordlessly, watching absently as he hurried out the door, leaving you in the silence of your now empty apartment.   
  
It felt like a lifetime since you had been alone. The emptiness of it was both welcoming and painful and you flicked Wooyoung another text, inviting him over.   
  
Barely twenty minutes later, when you had stepped out of the shower with hair still dripping and a towel draped over your arm, he was outside your apartment door, knocking insistently.   
  
"Calm down!" You muttered, opening the door and stepping back to let him in. He grinned gleefully at you as he hopped in, juggling an armful of plastic bags that smelled strongly of tteokbokki.  
  
"You brought me food?" You smiled eagerly, grabbing one of the bags from his arm and eagerly peering inside it.   
  
"Who said its for you." Wooyoung grabbed back the bag with a teasing tone, darting out of the way of your grabbing hands just in time and dancing his way over to the table where he deposited the bags and draped his jacket over the back of one of the chairs.   
  
"You came over to my apartment with food and it's _not_ for me?" You raised an eyebrow incredulously at him, earning a low chuckle from your friend. He lifted his hands in defeat, eyes twinkling.   
  
"You got me, I did bring it for you. Now come eat, you look way too skinny." You resisted the urge to remind him that for most people looking thinner wasn't a bad thing. He was just joking, it wasn't worth ruining the good mood. You sat down, reaching eagerly for the nearest bag.   
  
You actually couldn't remember the last time you had eaten anything, let alone something that smelt this good.   
  
"So. Leedooooo." Wooyoung dragged out Leedo's name suggestively as you both ate, his eyebrows wriggling at you. You ignored him, humming under your breath with a grin directed into your half emptied container.   
  
"Oh come on! You have to tell me about it." He groaned, leaning back in his seat and dramatically flinging a hand over his eyes. 

You finally gave him your attention, fingertips dancing idly over the smooth wooden surface of the table. His eyes followed your fingers below the shadow cast from his hand, mouth twitching in a smile. 

"What is there to tell?" You asked, raising an eyebrow at him, amused by the frustration on his handsome features by the time you were done speaking. 

"Seriously?"

"Fine. Where do you want me to start?" 

"Uh- From the beginning?" 

So you began your story.

Wooyoung leaned back, eyes fixed on you in disbelief and the faint light of humour that almost seemed just below the surface. His head tilted to one side then the other, his tongue escaping between his lips as if he were caught deep in an escapable thought. 

"You look like an idiot." You informed him lightly, gathering your empty containers of food and dumping them into your sink. You'd wash and recycle them later, right now you felt far too drained after explaining everything to Wooyoung to even contemplate doing them.

"Y/N, are you seriously telling me that what you just told me is true?" Wooyoung asked softly, deep eyes holding yours as you flopped back into your seat. You took a moment to plan your response, not understanding his tone or reaction. 

You had expected some disbelief, after all the story was somewhat unbelievable especially the part where someone as perfect as Leedo had chosen you but still... You'd hoped for a reaction closer to happiness for you than the mixture of concern and distrust in his eyes now. 

"Look, I know it's a lot and I know that I'm not exactly good enough for someone like him..." Wooyoung opened his mouth and you hurried to finish. "But I'm happy Woo. I'm happy and I just..." You stared at his tense expression for a moment, feeling unexpected tears pool behind your eyes. "I _need_ you to support me." 

He closed his eyes tightly, sighing like he was expelling some unspoken response. When he reopened them, they were, for the most part, clear of the previous negativity.

"I'll always support you. If you're happy, that's all that matters." He reached across the table, encompassing your fingers in his palms. You relaxed at his touch, nodding reluctantly. "But you're not the one who isn't good enough for him. As far as I'm concerned, there's no man on this earth that could ever deserve you."

He smiled. "No matter how perfect they seem."

You smiled back, both surprised and slightly overwhelmed by his response. It was easy to forget just how close you were to him, the memories of your years living together were like a faded and out of sync record player now. 

But something about his choice of words lingered in the back of your mind when he finally left, when you were tossing and turning in bed in an attempt to catch up on lost sleep. 

_No matter how perfect they seem._ What the hell did he mean.


	13. 『Reliant』

"Y/N?" Leedo's groggy voice greeted your frantic, panic driven, call.

You glanced at the clock, realising with a guilty start that it was barely past 4am and he'd been at the studio since the same time yesterday.

He must be exhausted.

"I.." You fumbled for the words that had been ready on the tip of your tongue just a moment ago, the uneasy feeling in your chest seeming to inflate and expand the longer the silence stretched.

It had been somewhere around a week since you had last seen Leedo and your communication had been reduced to brief, short texts at the beginning of one of your days and the end. If there was an end.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He sounded less groggy now, more awake, which only made you feel worse. You couldn't even figure out what had spurred your call to him, how could you explain that to him?

"I don't know." You whispered in defeat, your shoulders slumping and fingers slackening their grip on your phone. The only thing stopping the device from clattering to the floor was the dying pressure left in your fingertips.

Silence was the first response, followed by an equally exhausted sounding sigh.

"I miss you." He said quietly, so quiet that you very nearly missed it to the crackling static of the phone connection.

Your heart ached for the way he said it.

Your heart had been doing a lot of aching lately, for a lot of different reasons.

"Do you... do you think we can see each other today?" You asked hesitantly, crossing and uncrossing your ankles in front of you while you waited for him to process your request and answer.

"I.. I'm.." He groaned quietly, frustration lacing his stuttering words.

"Busy." You finished for him, nodding your head understandingly as if he could see it, as if that could help ease his mind.

"Right."

The truth was, it had never mattered before, that he was busy. You were both busy, but the last few weeks something in your relationship had shifted, changed subtly. But the change was beginning to be less subtle, and you were beginning to feel its presence like a roaring monster in the back of your mind, overseeing everything you did. 

And yet whatever it was, you still couldn't place a finger on it anymore than you could figure out why the hell you were calling Leedo at 4am in the morning.

He sighed again.

"I'm sorry, our schedule has been hectic lately. We've got an interview after interview lined up and we have to practise for them-" he let out a half amused half disbelieving snort. "Can you believe that we actually have to _practise_ for interviews?"

Yes, after growing up with Ateez you'd learn just about everything there was to know about the industry. But you weren't going to say that now, everytime your friends came up he got touchy and the conversation fizzled.

"It's alright, I get it." You assured him, ignoring the taut lines of stress lining each word. Maybe it was better that you didn't see each other, you weren't even sure how you'd cope with dealing with the tension between you in person.

Things had been so much easier before you'd decided to become serious.

"I should let you get back to sleep." You added as an afterthought, rubbing your temple.

"You don't have to hang up." He said softly, and for a moment it felt like nothing had changed, like your relationship was as it had started. Warm and encompassing, reliable and real.

You couldn't remember the last time you'd even bothered to call one another rather than text let alone fallen asleep with the phone connection still open between you.

It used to be the only way you could sleep if he wasn't here with you.

"Okay." You said, smiling a little, though something about it felt bittersweet.

"Okay." He repeated, sounding lighter and less tense. You could almost hear the matching smile in his voice.

Neither of you said anything more, and eventually you fell asleep to the soft sound of his even breaths. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── 

Voices washed over you like a tidal wave, drowning out all other sounds and feelings as you carefully manoeuvred your way through the people surrounding the sidewalk. 

It felt like every time you successfully passed one person without crashing into them, another two popped up in their place. 

"...so young..sad." You paused, curiosity peaked. At first you'd just assumed the crowd was here for nothing more than to cause trouble, though the squeaky voice of the old woman to your left indicated that you were wrong. 

Your eyes darted down to your phone screen, checking the time. 

You had about ten minutes before you were 'late' and it took a total of eight minutes to get to where you were finally meeting Leedo for the first time in two weeks. 

That left two minutes for you to attempt to satisfy the sudden burning curiosity inside of you. 

"Excuse me," You reached to tap on the shoulder of a tall female figure beside you, holding your breath in surprise when she turned around. She was beautiful, her dark hair tumbled in perfect loose waves around her small face and every feature on the small porcelain face reminded you of the doll you had had when you were twelve, you'd thought she was the most beautiful thing in the world. 

But your surprise was because the woman's hands were clutched in tight fists to her chest and tears sparkled on her cheeks and clumped the lashes above and below her eyes, which were red from the tears. 

Instantly you wanted to fold her in a hug, to protect her against whatever pain she was going through. 

Instead you swallowed that down and forced out the question you'd originally intended to ask, all too aware of the seconds ticking away against you. 

"What happened here?" At your words she burst into hysterical sobs, thin arms stretching out to encompass your considerably smaller body against hers. 

"Mmhmph." You spluttered into the thin dark fabric of her top, nose and eyes stinging with the strength of her perfume. All sympathy you had felt for her moments ago had evaporated into panic and unease. 

Finding out what was happening here seemed a lot less important and your time had run out. With a hard pull you separated yourselves, throwing an apology over your shoulder at her and hurrying off the way you had originally been going, barely managing to find a gap in the crowd to slip out of.   
  
You glanced at the time again, cursing at your phone screen. 

You had seven minutes left and an eight minute walk ahead of you. If you ran you would make it on time but arrive looking like a mess, if you walked you'd be at least a minute late and would feel like a mess even if you didn't look it. 

_Run it is_.

"Woah- slow down!" Your body crashed into a familiar figure, strong arms circling your body both protectively and gently.   
  
"Leedo!" You gasped between pants, turning to stare in confusion behind you. You'd just barely started running, even if you were running at your fastest, which you hadn't been, you shouldn't have reached the cafe for another few minutes. 

You peered over the top of Leedo's shoulder, speculatively surveying your surroundings. 

"I don't understand." You muttered, pulling yourself out of his hold. His eyebrows were raised, a tiny smile on his lips. 

"I don't either." He admitted, reaching up to rub the back of his neck, eyes slanting as he let out a bashful laugh. "You normally show up early so I tried to come even earlier on the one day you decided to be on time. I got bored of waiting so I thought I'd surprise you." 

"Ah." 

"I guess you ended up surprising me." He hummed, expression going from humorous to serious in the span of a second. You blinked, taken aback by the sudden change and feeling a lot more distant than you had when you were still in your apartment. 

"I suppose so." You ventured, trying your best to gain some mental ground below your feet. 

This was all wrong, already. The first chance that you got to see him for two weeks, a whole week after your strange 4am call, and he already looked like he'd rather not be here or that he had something bigger pressing on his mind. 

"Leedo, what's wrong?" You cut to the chase, tired of trying to figure things out for yourself, it only made things messier. The distance cleared somewhat and the Leedo that you knew emerged on his handsome features, guilt wracking his eyes. 

"Nothing, I'm sorry." You closed your eyes, pinching your nose and trying to summon up some ounce of courage to speak again. Part of you just wanted to accept his words and try to salvage what was left of the date. What you had wanted to tell him when you left your apartment this morning was that you loved him, it would have been the first time you would say it out loud. 

But now... now it felt like you were losing him. 

"Y/n?" His hands, warm and familiar, found yours like it was second nature to him. Your fingers intertwined and his chin pressed against the top of your head as he drew closer. 

It felt right to be pressed against him, encompassed in his arms. 

And yet... 

"Do you think... that maybe this isn't working?" You breathed into his chest, feeling tears prick your eyes. It wasn't the first time that you had thought that things between you weren't going well, that maybe you'd leapt into things far too quickly and exhausted your feelings. 

But it was definitely the first time you had said it out loud, or to him. And now it felt completely unavoidable and real. 

He tensed below you and you knew what his answer was already. 

Yes, he did think it wasn't working. 

Yes, it wasn't working. 

A shudder of grief ripped through you and carefully you extracted yourself from his arms to look up at him. Tears glittered in his dark eyes and his jaw was clenched taut, the wind blowing his dark hair, which had gotten much longer than you'd thought since you'd last seen him. 

He'd never looked so painfully handsome. 

"I.." He choked, staring helplessly at you. You stared right back, feeling as lost as he looked and as small as a mouse about to stepped on by a large boot in a tiny box. 

There was barely enough air for you to breathe, let alone space for you to hide from the oncoming boot. 

"It's okay. Maybe we're just better as friends." He was already shaking his head, looking distraught and reaching for you. You let him, needing the comfort of him for a few moments before it all ended, needing something to keep you standing for a few seconds as your legs trembled below you. 

"I can't lose you." He said, voice catching on each word. 

"You won't, you aren't." You assured him thickly, praying that somehow between now and when you got back to your apartment that you could hold it together, if only for his sake. 

It wasn't his fault that you weren't working. If anything it was probably yours, as hard as you'd tried, it always felt like while he had given up all of himself to you, you were still hiding parts of yourself. 

Warm tears wet the top of your head and your heart contracted in pain. You hadn't been expecting this outcome and you definitely hadn't been prepared for the tight pain in your chest. 

"You're not losing me Leedo, but you do need to let go of me so I can go home and cry now." You whispered, not trusting your voice above the soft noise. He released you, understanding instantly. 

As he always had. 

Neither of you said anything else, because there was nothing left to say. You simply shared a look that spoke any of the things you hadn't gotten to say to one another, that you would now never say to one another. 

_I love you._

_I'm sorry for not being enough._

_Please be happy._

You pursed your lips and turned, barely able to see through the film of hot tears obscuring your vision and began to stumble back home. As you passed the earlier crowd out the front of your apartment, finally beginning to disperse, you couldn't help thinking you should have recognised it as a bad omen. 

So what the hell now?


	14. 『Lost』

**A/N** ➳In this chapter you will notice some changes, bear with me. We're nearing the end of the story *sad eyes* and while the changes in 'view' may be a little confusing, without it the story was a bit harder to understand. So I hope that you're able to full understand it. 

I know it's a little strange to just suddenly throw in these changes of view and for them to not be in the same style of 'person' (first person view, second person view etc) but it really is necessary for it to be this way. ANYWAY ENOUGH FROM ME- PLEASE ENJOY >,<

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── 

You had never felt so alone.

It was almost entirely by choice, _your_ choice at that.

But it still hurt. 

You couldn't remember the last time you had done anything but get up from your position on what equaled your living room floor to use the bathroom. 

You couldn't remember the last time that you had eaten something that wasn't either fresh take out or day out take out from the night before's. 

And yet for the lack of things that you could remember, it was impossible to forget that just 18 days ago Leedo and you had mutually agreed to break up. 

In 18 days you hadn't picked up your phone once, in fear of what you would see if you did. 

Halfway into your relationship, their fans had figured out that you were dating. There had been no official announcement made, because you weren't apart of an idol company there was nobody to represent you and Leedo had argued a full 12 hours with his company against releasing a statement. It hadn't ended up mattering, their fans were sweet and supportive of your relationship and your instagram had been flooded with messages of love and kindness. 

You didn't want to, couldn't, face that now, couldn't even begin to imagine picking up your phone to see their messages of support for something that had been doomed from the start; or worse to find out that it was already out that you were no longer together and be welcomed to messages of loathing. 

That was the last thing you needed right now.

What you needed was your friends... your best friend. 

But in the two weeks that you had not stepped a foot outside of your small apartment, you had also not spoken to a single one of them. Communication had been scarce before the breakup, mostly because much like ONEUS, ATEEZ were going through a period of preparation for upcoming interviews and a comeback.

So while you had been busy pretending not to care, not to need any of them, they had all been busy focusing on work, satisfied that though they couldn't see you often you were being looked after by Leedo. 

But you hadn't been. 

And there was no easy way to tell them what had happened, the gap between you had never felt larger. 

That's why you felt alone. 

Because you were. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── 

**Yeosang's Side ;**

"Yeo!" Yeosang turned, waiting patiently for Mingi to catch up, the taller drawing in a great lungfuls of air when he finally reached the brunette's side. 

"Hm?" Yeosang hummed pointedly, eyes darting to the watch on his wrist. He was probably the only member in their group to bother wearing one now.

Which of course made him the unofficial minister of time as far as the rest of Ateez were concerned. 

"We've got an interview with ONEUS." Mingi grinned through his pants, for someone who spent all day everyday dancing intense and difficult choreography, Yeosang was pretty sure he shouldn't be so overexerted by a tiny run from one end of the building to the other. 

Yeosang regarded Mingi cooly, trying to figure out why the idiot was so excited about the interview. 

Sure it was one of the first time they would be interacting with another idol group, live at least, and it would be great to meet someone else that understood what it was like to be... well them. 

But even then, he was pretty sure it didn't warrant this kind of excitement. 

"And?" Mingi's face fell somewhat at his friend's blunt response, his eyebrows creasing slightly as if confused. 

"And? And isn't that guy that Y/n is dating in it? What was his name- Lead?" Yeosang almost choked, the world halting around him.

He'd tried so hard to push Y/n and her dating life to the furthest reach of his mind; he must have been successful because now that Mingi had pointed it out, he realised she had told them all about the guy.

"Leedo." He said tightly. Mingi paused in his excited motions, peering carefully at his smaller friend. 

Yeosang rarely showed much of his emotions, especially if Y/n wasn't around. But right now he was an open book, rage and hurt warring across his handsome features like fire and ice and the taller, younger boy wasn't at all used to it. He was unsure how to navigate this new territory with his friend and opted for ignoring it and hoping that Yeosang would jolt into his normal self if he didn't bring it to his attention that he was acting oddly. 

"Right. Anyway... since she hasn't introduced us to him, its the perfect opportunity for us to grill him about their relationship." He said proudly, as if the idea deserved some kind of award. Yeosang was trying to decide whether to rip out Mingi's carefully styled hair, strand by strand, or whether to just walk away when a voice interrupted them.

"Who are we grilling?" Hongjoong and Seonghwa strolled over, both of them with their hands tucked deep into their pockets and both wearing similar grins of interest. 

Yeosang's first reaction was relief, his older friends always seemed to turn up at convenient times for him to make an escape. But his relief soon turned tail and fled when Seonghwa, normally withdrawn and quiet much like Yeosang, flung an arm casually but firmly over his shoulders, pinning him to the spot. 

"Y/n's boyfriend." Mingi informed Hongjoong, who was tilting his head at Yeosang, attempting to not-so-subtly read the time on his watch. Yeosang snatched his wrist behind his back in a spiteful attempt to be released from the stupid little gathering. 

The last thing he wanted was to be hearing or talking about Y/N's idiot of a boyfriend or her supposedly perfect relationship. 

His heart felt like it was deflating bit by bit with every second that ticked closer to meeting Leedo. 

"Ahh. Why are we grilling him?" Hongjoong asked in a distracted voice, sharing a confused glance with Seonghwa, who was still holding Yeosang cruelly captive against him. 

It wasn't like Yeosang expected Leedo to be horrible, in fact if Y/n liked him then Yeosang was pretty sure that the guy had to be more than decent. Which only hurt him more. 

Because how in hell was he supposed to compete with someone who was actually decent? Someone who _deserved_ her? 

"Yeo?" Seonghwa shook Yeosang slightly, his keen eyes instantly picking up on the pain and distance glimmering behind his vacant expression. Hongjoong and Mingi quietened their discussion, which had moved on to whether or not the other members would be fun, and turned to watch as Yeosang tried to shake himself out of his funk. 

"Hm?" He forced out. 

"Are you gonna be okay?" Seonghwa asked in a gentle voice, eyebrow raising slightly. Hongjoong grimaced, knowing all too well that they couldn't afford for Yeosang not to be. In all their years together, as an idol group and as friends, Yeosang had always managed to hold himself together when the others couldn't. 

It would break the leader to see the careful walls that Yeosang threw up against everyone but Y/n come crumbling down _because_ of her. Despite his aloofness with them all, everyone knew that Yeosang cared, that he had his soft side and not just when it came to her. 

"I'll be fine." Yeosang responded, truthfully. He glanced at Hongjoong, reaffirming the words with his eyes and Hongjoong nodded almost imperceptibly back at him. 

"Come on guys, show time." San screeched, dashing past them with Wooyoung in tow being more dragged than moving with his own feet. He cast Yeosang a desperate glance for help, which Yeosang ignored, hiding a small smile by turning his head to the side. 

The other three laughed, Hongjoong and Mingi moving ahead while Seonghwa reluctantly released his grip on Yeosang and gestured him ahead. Yeosang paused, frowning. 

"You're not coming? You can't be late." He said, jerking his head in the direction that their friends were. Seonghwa shrugged, rolling his eyes. 

"Yunho and Jongho." He said simply before hurrying off in the opposite direction, struggling to fish his phone out of the front pocket in his jeans. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── 

**Y/N's Side -**

The mountain of blankets atop of you trembled as your legs stretched below them, attempting to shake out of some of the ache in them from remaining unmoving below the stifling layers for a full season's worth of Grey's Anatomy.

It had been almost a year since you had watched more than five minutes of the show, because you'd always ended up too busy or something more interesting would come up. But in the years that Wooyoung and you had lived together, it had become a sort of late night ritual for you to sit down and watch a few episodes together.

Especially if Yeosang was over, mostly just to torture him, because he hated it. 

Sudden tears pricked your eyes and you gave a violent jerk of your left leg, sending the mountain tumbling in a silent crash of soft material and the occasional cushion that had worked its way in. 

You stood abruptly, staggering when the blood finally rushed to your legs in a somewhat painful wave. 

"Stop crying." You begged yourself aloud as you moved to the bathroom, staring forlornly at your tear streaked reflection. 

You missed your friends. 

You missed Wooyoung's comforting aura. 

You missed Yunho's bright smile. 

You missed San's distracting voice.

You missed Jongho's dry humour.   
  
You missed Seonghwa's gentle care. 

You missed Hongjoong's understanding way. 

You missed Mingi's loudness. 

But mostly you missed Yeosang. 

For too many reason's to count on one hand, you missed your best friend, the only person who had been with you from the very beginning. 

Along the way you'd picked up the rest of your family, and you wouldn't trade them for anything. 

More tears slid down your cheeks, some managing to get half way down your neck before being soaked into the cotton collar of your sweatshirt. 

Angrily you swiped at the ones still on your cheeks, splashing cold water on your face. 

It was your choice to block them out right now, that was just something you had to deal with. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── 

**Yeosang's View**

The air felt immediately lighter when Yeosang stepped from the hall into the crowded room ahead of him. From his position in the doorway he could see almost all of his friends, mostly locatable by their loud voices, or in Yunho and Mingi's cases their height. 

"Alright, time for us to start." 

He felt barely there during the whole interview, although he genuinely began to enjoy the company of the ONEUS members despite himself. 

They were funny and quirky and much like ATEEZ they were talented and held their own. 

He thought that in any other situation, he might have easily and quickly become close with all of the members. 

Except that there _was_ a situation, one that he highly doubted was going to be resolved, at least in his mind, for a while if Y/n was as enraptured by Leedo as Wooyoung had claimed after returning a few weeks ago from trying to figure out where she stood as a favour to Yeosang. 

That had really been one of the last times any of them had had a proper conversation with her, though Yeosang often found his finger hovering over her contact in his phone, aching to press the call button and talk to her. 

Even if he couldn't tell her that he was dying inside over her choosing someone else, that didn't mean that he should block her out. 

Doing that wasn't going to change that he had been in love with her for years, if anything it only made things harder. 

There was never going to be another Y/n for Yeosang. 

He could barely bring himself to fully trust the rest of ateez and that had taken years. The only other person that he trusted fully was Y/n and she'd had years more than theirs. He wasn't the kind of person to pick again, he knew exactly what he wanted and it was her. 

But he would also never step in the way of her happiness, even if it killed him. 

If she liked, loved, Leedo then he would support her.   
  
_Loved_ , the very thought of the word brought on a fresh wave of pain to Yeosang's chest and he had to take a moment to close his eyes tightly, the sounds of his members answering the interview questions playfully fading into the background of his mind.   
  
Did she love him? Would Yeosang really never get his chance to confess to her how he'd felt? He could have hit himself for all of the missed opportunities, thinking he'd have all the time in the world to tell her the 'right' way. 

"Good job everyone, take a break and relax." One of the ONEUS managers called out, ATEEZ's nodding in agreement behind her at the boys. Everyone gave a relieved breath, disbanding into little mixed clumps of members. 

Yeosang found himself the only one alone, not that it bothered him, with his shoulders resting squarely against the wall behind him. 

"Yeosang, right?" He glanced up from his observation of the surprisingly dirty studio floor, meeting the gaze of the one person he'd been hoping to avoid in this quiet moment. 

But of course, that's not how things like this worked out, not for people like Yeosang. 

"Right." He nodded, hoping that he could muster up the energy to come across friendly. He had nothing personal against the guy, just that he was dating the girl that he happened to be in love with. 

"Hey, I'm Leedo." Leedo stuck his hand awkwardly into the space between them, looking both anxious and pained until Yeosang carefully extended his own hand, gripping Leedo's hand in a firm shake. 

"Yeah, I know who you are." Yeosang responded, careful to keep his tone blank. Despite his care, Leedo's face drained of colour and his hand dropped limply to his side. Yeosang couldn't understand why he looked like he was in so much pain, but he straightened regardless, lifting an uncertain hand to touch Leedo's now trembling arm. 

He knew all too well that not every company was as kind to their idols as ATEEZ's was, the pain dancing chaotically across Leedo's expression could be the source of a very real issue within Oneus's company for all he knew and as little as he wanted to care for the stranger dating his best friend, he owed it to her to figure it out.   
  
"Is everything okay? Do you- is there something I can do?" Confusion joined the agony dancing in Leedo's irises and he blinked, opening and closing his mouth slowly as if still deciding on how to answer. 

Luckily for Yeosang, this was the moment that Wooyoung decided to join them, slinging an arm around Yeosang's shoulder and peering speculatively at Leedo. 

"Is he okay?" He whispered loudly to Yeosang, who wondered very briefly if it would get him in trouble if he jabbed his elbow sharply into his friend's ribs. He may not like that Leedo was with his best friend's boyfriend but he sure as hell wasn't going to leave him with a bad impression to take back to Y/n and he figured that violence amongst members was a pretty good way to give a bad impression, so he resisted the urge. 

"Shut up." Yeosang muttered back, giving Wooyoung a gentle but firm push and indicating that he could either leave or stay and be silent. Wooyoung huffed but remained, crossing his arms over his chest and glancing with a little more concern at Leedo, whose skin had paled considerably in the time that Wooyoung had approached. 

"Maybe you should sit?" Yeosang finally said to Leedo, who now looked like any minute a soft breeze would knock him over or send him disintegrating to the floor. Leedo shook his head though, seeming to clear his mind enough to speak again. 

"Is she doing okay?" His sudden question was met with confused and blank stares from both Yeosang and Wooyoung. "Because I've been wanting to check up on her but I don't want to bother her if she still needs her space-" 

"Wait." Wooyoung held up his hand, frowning now as if hit by a horrible understanding and glancing cautiously at Yeosang, who still looked confused. 

Leedo looked at Yeosang too, thin lips pursing in his own sudden understanding. 

"She hasn't told you?" 

Suddenly Yeosang's world shrunk down to one simple fact, one understanding.   
  
"We broke up." 

They'd broken up. 


	15. 『Rescue Mission』

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING * MEGA ANGST!

**Yeosang's View**

"What happened?" He asked in a tight voice, advancing a step closer to Leedo, ignoring Wooyoung's restraining hand on his shoulder. 

Now that he understood, he wanted nothing more to run all the way to her apartment, to stand on her doorstep and bang on the thin door until she let him in. 

But she hadn't contacted him, she hadn't told him about it and he would bet she hadn't spoken to a single one of their friends about it because they all knew by now how he felt about her, he would've known if they did. 

At the very least he would have expected her to have told Wooyoung, they were close too; he tried to ignore the leftover spark of jealousy that the thought stirred in his stomach - they'd resolved that a long time ago now. 

He couldn't go to her if he didn't know the full story, because he didn't want to waste time on trying to get it out of her. If he was going to go to her, he needed to know everything. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── 

**Y/N's View**

You had cleaned the apartment at least four times in the same day now, trying to avoid the urge to pick up your phone and call someone. 

Someone being one of the eight people that you should have called in the past two weeks rather than sitting in your own despair. 

You sighed, rubbing your forehead exhaustedly. 

You were being stupid. 

It was such a simple thing to do, pick up your phone and dial one of them and tell them. Whoever you told would tell Yeosang though and you weren't sure that you were ready to deal with him right now. 

A part of you felt betrayed that none of them had bothered to come and check on you, but the other half of you knew and understood that for a large portion of your relationship to Leedo you had all but locked them out or been okay with the lack of communication. 

How could you have the audacity to feel betrayed when you had as much encouraged it as you had hated it? 

Just as you were debating whether it was the right time to call one of them, your phone began to vibrate atop of the kitchen counter. You froze, staring at it in panic.

From where you were standing you couldn't see the screen well enough to make out the caller ID and you could barely force yourself to breathe let alone cover the distance to pick it up and answer it. 

What if it was work? 

Worse, what if it was one of your friends? 

At the last moment your body decided for itself to answer the call, catching the answer button just as it began to fade from the screen. 

"Hello?" You winced at the gravelly, misused croak that came out of your mouth and contemplated just hanging up. 

Instead you waited with bated breath to find out who the caller was, because you hadn't had enough time to concentrate on the caller ID when you hit answer. 

"Y/n?" 

Oh. God. 

"Yeos..Yeosang?" If you'd thought your voice sounded horrible before it was nothing compared to the distraught squeak that came out now in response to his equally distraught sounding voice.

"Oh god, you're okay." He sighed heavily into the phone, making your heart patter unevenly in your chest. You could almost picture the way he would be knelt on the ground, one hand supporting him on the floor and the other clutched tight around his phone, the pressure of his grip turning his knuckles white. 

You hadn't seen him in so long that it was left entirely to your imagination to figure out whether his hair was longer or whether he'd gotten it cut regularly the way you'd always forced him to do. 

"I guess." You responded, drawing in a shaking breath. 

If he was calling you, he was either incredibly paranoid and worried out of the blue or he knew about Leedo. 

Seeing as he rarely succumbed to paranoia and always planned things well in advance, that option seemed unlikely, though the more attractive of your options. 

Because if he knew about Leedo, his next words were probably going to be filled with disappointment or anger or something that would only hurt your heart more than it could handle at this moment. 

"I'm coming over, I'll be there in five minutes so you have about four minutes and 50 seconds to get ready." 

You stared straight ahead at your empty refrigerator in shock. 

He didn't sound disappointed, or mad, or even upset. 

He just sounded like ... well like himself. 

Reliable, authoritative, in complete control of his emotions. 

Your best friend. 

"Get ready?" You felt like you were talking through a cloud, a dense storm cloud that whipped gale force winds around inside your head. 

"Mhm, get ready. Because I'm coming in and we're going to talk."

_Talk._

What was there to talk about now? If he knew, then chances were that the interview Ateez had scheduled with ONEUS had just occurred, which meant that for him to find out he'd have had to have talked to Leedo. Which in turn meant that he should know everything there was to know. 

That your relationship hadn't worked out, that was that. 

And yet as you struggled to come up with a good excuse to turn him away, it hit you that it wasn't that simple.

Because there was a reason that Leedo and you hadn't worked out, a reason that had been staring you in the face and kicking you while you were down for the last two weeks. 

A reason that was on his way right now to _talk_ about things. 

"Wait, Yeosang-" You started, with no real plan as to how to stop him from coming, but knowing you had to at least try. 

"Don't bother. You've got three minutes and forty-seven seconds left." 

The line went dead, the continuous tone of him hanging up trilling dully for a phone moments before you locked your phone and placed your head in your hands with a despondent sigh. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── 

Three knocks sounded like three gunshots against the way too thin wooden door that now stood between Yeosang and you. 

You stood on one side of it, your hands clasped tightly, too tightly, together in front of you and your heart leaping painfully against your ribcage, like it wanted to escape. 

If it didn't want to escape, you did. 

"Y/n, come on." Yeosang said quietly, but loudly enough to be heard, from his side. A distraught sound caught in the back of your throat as your body moved of its own accord towards the door until you were standing closing enough to reach out and unlock the shiny metal lock that had often been a source of comfort and safety to you. 

Until now. 

Because now, even though you didn't want to be doing it, your shaking fingers were gripping the small silver nub that would slide the bolt across and give Yeosang a way in. 

And you weren't sure if you were ready for that, your mind and heart were a chaotic mess that wanted desperately for you to turn and hide until he gave up knocking and left. But your physical self wasn't on the same wavelength, and if you had thought the sound of his knocks had been loud, the sound of the bolt slipping out of its secure place and leaving the door unlocked was like the sound of a car crash. 

"I'm going to come in now, okay?" He said, barely giving you time to nod your head in a gesture he couldn't have seen before he was pulling the door open and stepping inside, forcing you to shuffle backwards to give him space to enter without you touching. 

He didn't say anything while he turned to close the door and he didn't turn back around straight away either. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── 

**Yeosang's View**

He'd never felt his heart sit so heavily in his chest. 

Not when he'd caught Wooyoung flirting with her, twice. Not when he'd thought she'd finally gotten sick of him and left his life forever. 

Not even when she'd finally told him that she wasn't sick of him she just loved someone else. 

Even when he'd finally come to terms with the fact he'd prepared himself to tell her about his feelings too late, his heart hadn't felt like this.

Because she was standing just a few steps distance behind him, eyes and nose red probably from who knows how much crying and her hair pulled into a messy bun from which too many strands escaped for it to really count as her hair being up. 

She was wearing a dark hoodie that seemed to completely swamp her figure in a way that he was entirely convinced it never had, because she'd never been so thin in her life as she was right now. 

He'd barely had more than a moment to see her before he'd had to turn around to close the door, and he was still facing the closed door, fingers pressed hard against the surface of it as if it could keep him from collapsing. 

Because he'd never in his life seen her look so lost and alone as she did right now. Even on the first day that he'd met her as a small child starting her first day of grade three, the day he'd stood up and recklessly put himself on the line to protect the trembling girl that he thought looked too beautiful to be so terrified to introduce herself. 

In the years since, he'd come to realise that she just really had no idea how incredibly attractive she was, not just her beauty but her delicate personality and strong loyalty, her undying protectiveness and care for the eight boys who'd flocked to her like magnets through her school life. 

He'd taken a while to warm to their friends when they first met, wary that they were there simply to chase after her heart. He'd been relieved to realise that their interest in her was nothing more than his in the early years, they simply wanted to protect her and befriend them both. 

Of course that had eventually changed for him, and possibly for Wooyoung though he'd never bothered to bring it up with his charismatic friend at first. He couldn't have missed the longing stares that he'd used to direct her way when they lived together during college years, but over time they had abated to the same friendly stares that the rest of them sent her way. 

"Yeo?" Her voice sounded as weak as his knees felt, and so tiny in the huge space they stood in. He breathed in deeply, forcing himself to turn around and face her. 

He wished he hadn't. 

Dark circles lined her eyes and tears filled his vision, despite him telling himself before he got here that he wouldn't cry in front of her. 

But he hadn't expected her too look like this, he'd been expecting to find his best friend the same way she'd always been, maybe a little upset, but still her bubbly and bright self. The girl standing in front of him was a shell of the Y/n he'd loved since high school. 

"Yeo!?" She stepped closer, one small hand reaching out to him unsurely while the other clutched over her heart as if the sight of him crying was enough to give her a heart attack. The way she looked now, he wouldn't doubt that either. 

"Sorry." He whispered, stepping into her touch, watching her hand grip his forearm like it was the only thing keeping her standing. 

Part of him wanted to hurt Leedo for making her like this, but he knew that their breakup hadn't been Leedo's fault. It wasn't either of their faults, it was just one of those inevitable things that they'd both realised weren't going to work. 

"You don't have to apologise." She pointed out in a shaky voice, sniffling. Her lashes were wet and her eyes sparkled with unshed tears. 

She was in a world of pain, she'd been hurting all this time, probably hoping he'd figure it out and come to her and he'd been so preoccupied with his own pain he hadn't been there for her when she needed him most. 

He wasn't sure he'd ever get over the look in her eyes as she stared up at him now, like he was water in a desert that she'd been trapped in for months. 

Like he could save her. 

"I do need to apologise, for a lot of things." He muttered, drawing her against him and wrapping his arms around her. He could feel the thumping of her heart against his chest and smell the perfume on her skin that she'd always worn and despite the aching in his chest, he felt almost complete and content to have her so close to him again. "But right now, I just want to be here for you." 

He felt her slacken in his arms and he felt the warm wet spot spreading on his chest as her body shook with little sobs against him. 

"I've missed you." She choked, fingers curling portions of his shirt into her fists. 

His world shattered. 


	16. 『Aurora』

**Y/N's Side**

"Eat." Yeosang commanded, dropping back down beside you on my little couch, pressing a steaming bowl filled with soup that he'd made out of the various cans in the very back of your pantry into your reluctant hands. 

"I'm not hungry. It's not like I've been starving myself." You told him with a frown, picking up the spoon and swirling the hot liquid around inside the bowl. 

Truthfully it didn't look very appetising and Yeosang rarely cooked more than toast or packet noodles, so you weren't entirely confident in his cooking abilities.

"You've been eating junk for two weeks, that's not much better than starving yourself." He responded shortly, pointing stubbornly at the bowl. You grimaced down at it, hesitantly lifting the spoon and sipping some of the cloudy liquid. 

Surprisingly not as bad as you had been expecting. 

You shifted so that you were leaning heavily against Yeosang's shoulder and continued to eat the soup one slow spoonful at a time, revelling in the easy comfort of everything now that he was here. 

This was the first time you had seen Yeosang in weeks, maybe months, and you'd completely hidden a huge event in your life from him and yet nothing felt different. It was possibly the best time you had had since... well since you'd last seen him. 

He barely looked different, his hair was longer than you remembered but not enough that he couldn't have been getting it trimmed every so often. He was still dressed in his clothes from the interview today, a pink and blue sweatshirt, the front of which was tucked into his black jeans. 

It was simple, as most of his outfits tended to be, and yet it perfectly fit the light blonde streaks in his brown hair and made his skin glow.

Or maybe it was just that you'd missed him so much that everything about him seemed to glow now. 

Or it could be something else entirely- 

No. 

You pushed those thoughts away, becoming hyper aware of the fact that his hand rested casually against your knee and his thigh was pressed flush to yours like it meant nothing. 

Because it did mean nothing, at least to him. 

And it should mean nothing to you. 

_I've been down this path before, falling in love with Kang Yeosang has never done anything but hurt me._

"Everything okay? Is it that bad?" Yeosang asked after a moment of watching your pained expression, his eyebrows drawn together in concern. You tried again to push the crazy thoughts in your head away, reminding yourself over and over of the many times that you'd attempted to catch his attention or be more than just his best friend. 

He'd always been too idiotic to see your feelings for him or too blinded by whatever else happened inside his private mind. 

"It's fine, I was just thinking." You assured him, throwing down a larger spoonful than you'd been taking for good measure, hoping to prove that his soup was just fine. 

He looked unconvinced but didn't argue, instead reaching for the remote to the tv that you'd earlier placed with extreme care during your third round of cleaning the apartment. 

He didn't bother asking what you were thinking about, or trying to offer his support, something that you were both grateful for and frustrated by. There was an undeniable tension still lingering between you, the issue of you not coming to him hanging silently in front of your eyes and tainting, limiting, your options of small talk. 

He couldn't very well ask you what you had been up to lately without possibly triggering a melt down or at the very least leading into a conversation about the fact that you hadn't left the apartment since you had broken up with Leedo. 

And you couldn't ask him how everyone else was doing without knowing in the back of your mind that you could have known the answer to that yourself if you had of had the courage to go to any one of them about your problems. 

The thought of having those conversations with him right now, terrified you. And yet you craved it, for it to be done and out of the way so that you could find a way back to your safe place. 

As the sound of the tv filled the small room, you found my eyes slipping closed, lids heavy with sleep that you had been unable to get around the noise of your constant worry and stress. 

Carefully you placed the now empty bowl of soup on the table in front of you and then leant back into the soft sofa cushions, head dropping against Yeosang's shoulder.

At last you felt like you could relax. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── 

**Yeosang's Side**

At first he just thought she was being her usual clingy self, because throughout their years of friendship they'd often leant against one another, even held hands at times for comfort. 

Of course, for him it had often been more than that, because his feelings were more than that of just a best friend. But out of his fear to tell her the truth or take advantage of her, he'd always tried his best to limit their touching, if only for his own sake. 

But it had been so long since he'd felt he could be this close to her that he found he couldn't summon the desire or energy to push her off or move so that she would think he needed space. So he didn't, he remained completely still, barely daring to breathe as his eyes stared unfocused at the tv. 

It wasn't until at least an hour had passed that he finally began to relax and chanced a glance over at her.

Which was when he realised with a start that she'd fallen asleep; her head rested against his shoulder and her hand had somehow managed to end up planted against his arm, fingertips just brushing against his side. 

He knew he should wake her, take her to her bed and make sure she was more comfortable, so she wouldn't wake up with an aching neck or back - but he couldn't bring himself to break the spell. 

In fact he could barely bring himself to look away, staring in awe at the way her lips were parted just enough to allow her soft breathing to escape in and out. His hands itched to reach out and gently brush away the loose strands of hair that had escaped from behind her ear, covering part of her face.

If he leaned close enough he could see all the details of her pale skin, right up to the freckle below her eye that was so faint he'd never noticed before now that it was even there. He could see each individual, long, lash fanning against her cheek now that her eyes were closed. 

He was wondering if it were really possible for him to fall any more in love with her when she let out a soft sound and pressed closer to him, her hand moving from his arm to his chest as if searching for something solid to hold. 

His heart hammered his chest and lodged into his throat as he lifted his hand, intending to carefully move her fingers off of him and instead finding his fingers intertwining with hers. 

_You should really wake her up, don't let this happen._ His mind roared at him, reminding him just how far gone he already was for her. 

And he knew it, he knew he shouldn't let himself fall even deeper into his feelings for her, because she'd made it clear that she saw him as nothing more than her best friend. 

But he was never going to get a chance like this again, to be so completely enraptured by her, to hold her hand and stare at her like she was the only possible lifeline he could need, without her knowing. 

And before he knew it, he was falling asleep too, head dropping slowly, inch by inch, towards hers until his chin rested lightly on top of her hair and his free hand slackened, coming to rest on top of their already clasped hands. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── 

**A/N -**

UMMM AYY WAYEOOO - sooooooooo.

The next chapter is going to be our last :< so prepare yourself for a LOOOOOT more to happen, it'll be very quick. I wrote this chapter as a way to finally show you how he really feels about her, because we've already seen how she feels about him. 

So I hope you've enjoyed everything so far!


	17. 『When All Is Said & Done』

**Y/N's View**

You had never much been one for the classic, romantic stories. 

You weren't a fan of the way that cinderella lost her damn shoe and magically, despite the rest of her outfit disappearing at midnight and her carriage becoming a pumpkin again, the stupid glass slipper remained behind. 

You hated that in Beauty and The Beast, the pretty girl fell for an actual beast, not just a monstrous person but a hairy creature that was literally not human. 

You hated all things that were made out to be these magical stories when the reality is that if they were told in a dark room without fancy, sugar coated words, they would just be weird horror stories. 

So really when you woke up, somehow wrapped in Yeosang's arms, with your hands locked together and his mouth barely inches from yours, you should have been disgusted. 

You should have been horrified at the way it felt like something out of a cliche story. 

Instead you felt like someone had pressed a warm ball of magic into your hands and whispered 'be happy'. 

"Yeosang?" You murmured quietly, halfway between hoping he'd wake up and explain how you'd ended up like this when what felt like moments ago we'd been watching tv, and half hoping that he wouldn't wake up, that you'd get a few more precious moments to admire his handsome face, for once completely lacking any kind of barrier or wall that he normally used to hide his emotions and thoughts from you. 

And for a moment that seemed to stretched forever, he didn't react and you were able to visually take in every delicate aspect of his face up close, right down to the adorable way his lips were frozen in a little pout. 

And then the moment was snatched cruelly from you and Yeosang was blinking his eyes tiredly, staring right at you uncomprehendingly. 

You gaped back at him, trying to figure out how to start a conversation in this situation. 

"Oh.. oh!" He gasped out, withdrawing and clambering to his feet in a scramble of limbs and soft curses below his breath. When he was finally on his feet, his eyes were wild and panicked, his hair as much of a mess as yours was. 

"I'm sorry- god. I'm so sorry." He whispered, hand coming up to cover his mouth as if he wanted to snatch things back, more than just words. 

You struggled to pull your mind together, still caught half in the moments before he'd woken up. Even in your best moments with Leedo you'd never quite felt half of what you were feeling in this moment, eyes fixed on his face and lips tingling with the warmth of his breath. 

So you couldn't understand what he was apologising to you for, when it had been a moment you would likely treasure forever. 

Not that he did, or needed, to know that. 

"It's fine." You said slowly, still trying to clear your mind and focus on anything but how close you had just been. When he began to pace you finally snapped out of it and your eyebrows creased into a confused frown as you watched him. 

He was dragging his fingers through his hair, mumbling quietly to himself and throwing you looks that bordered on terror every so often. 

"Okay, I don't know if you missed me saying it's fine Yeo," You stood and grabbed his wrist harshly, forcing him to halt and face you. "But it's fine. How many times have we fallen asleep together? It's fine, it's nothing."

He stared at you, chest rising and sinking with his breaths and you prayed that he believed your words. 

It had to be fine, it had to mean nothing. 

_Why don't you just god damn tell him how you feel about him?_ An annoyed voice snarled in the back of your mind and you breathed in and closed your eyes for a second. 

It would be so much easier to just tell him, to give it a chance and hope to all hell that he wouldn't go running for the hills in fear. 

But you couldn't forget the time years ago when he'd showed up just moments after Wooyoung had blurted out things about your feelings for Yeosang. You couldn't ever erase the heartbreaking look of anger on his face when he approached you both and snatched the food you'd gone to collect from your hands and stalked off. 

You couldn't just tell him because though that had been years ago, his reaction now hit too close to that mark, felt too much like a rejection itself for you to bother. 

"It's _not_ nothing." 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── 

**Yeosang's View**

As soon as the words left his mouth he wanted to snatch them and shove them right back down his throat, anything but have actually said it out loud. 

"It's _not_ nothing."

_Idiot_

_Idiot_

_Idiot_

He screamed at himself inwardly as her face froze and lost colour, her eyes doubling in size.

Sure he could probably save it and make some excuse for what he meant by that... He could try but she wasn't stupid, she had to have picked up on the pattern of his actions over their years together. 

Every time a guy had grown close to her, he'd flipped out and left or distanced himself. 

When Wooyoung had flirted with her the first time, he'd refused to respond to her. 

The second time had been worse and he couldn't ever forget the horrible way he'd treated her after he overheard them when their group had still been freshly debuted. 

He could remember in perfect detail how he'd been sick of waiting for them to arrive back with the take out, he was hungry and missing her and he'd left the practise room to meet them and help carry the food back. 

Instead of finding them struggling he'd overhead Wooyoung's voice before he'd even rounded the corner. 

_"Calm down. I'm not going to tell him, nobody else knows and if they do they wouldn't tell him either."_

His heart had stopped momentarily in his chest, pain encompassing it. 

That pain had been nothing compared to when he finally got around the corner and saw them with barely any space between them, Wooyoung's forehead against hers and his hands on her waist. 

He'd seen red, finally understanding the conversation he'd overheard. 

The 'him' had been Yeosang and clearly they were talking about hiding a relationship ; _their_ relationship. 

"What do you mean, it's not nothing?" He barely heard her whisper, so lost in the heart wrenching memory. 

It had taken him a long time to get over that incident and even longer for him to actually approach Wooyoung about it, only to find out that not only had he been a dick to Y/N, he'd done it for no reason. They hadn't been talking about a relationship, they weren't in one, Wooyoung had simply been trying to comfort her. 

He'd never told Yeosang what the conversation _had_ been about and Yeosang had never had the courage to bring it up with her again, because he couldn't bear to face the look in her eyes if he explained that he'd been jealous. 

It only reminded him that she still had secrets from him, that they both had secrets from one another. And he hated it. 

"I..." He stared at her, realising too late that there was no easy way to explain himself out of this. Whatever excuse he made would sound flat and just like what it was - an excuse. 

"Yeosang, what do you mean?" She repeated, this time with a note of urgency in her voice, as if hearing his answer was more than just hearing his answer. 

"I shouldn't have said anything." He knew it was useless now to try and back track, but he tried anyway. He knew now that this conversation was going to end in him finally admitting his feelings to her, but he wasn't about to make it easy on her or him to get that out. 

"But you did." She pointed out, standing up and sending a cascade of fluffy and brightly coloured cushions that had somehow piled up on her at some point, to the floor. Some of them knocked against his feet and he took a wary step back from her. 

"Yeo, I _need_ to know." Her voice was thick, like she was holding in a thousand emotions and for a second, he let himself entertain the idea that maybe she just needed him to say it first - that if he told her he loved her she would miraculously feel the same. 

But that was impossible. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── 

**Y/N's View**

His chest was rising and deflating at a worryingly rapid pace but you were so far beyond caring now. 

His words kept repeating in your mind, running on a loop ; It's _not_ nothing. 

You were standing now, edging closer and closer without meaning too but not being completely unaware of the lessening distance between you. 

It was entirely impossible that he felt the same way about you as you did him. 

Completely and utterly, **impossible.**

You were clutching at straws, wanting it to be true even if it couldn't possibly be. 

Every tiny piece of space closing between you was another reason why you weren't going to be able to lie about your manic desire to know what he meant. Every desperate second that you held his panicked gaze was another moment that you couldn't explain away with some idiotic excuse. 

But you were so so tired of pretending, tired of holding things back. 

You reached for him, grabbing his hands and holding them because he looked like he was about to run away or pass out and his panic had risen to hysterical levels. 

"Tell me." You begged him, searching his eyes for some kind of sign. You weren't going to admit how you felt unless you could see something in his eyes that promised that you wouldn't be the only one doing it. 

"Don't-" He choked, eyes darting to your hands then back to your face, maybe searching for something too. He tugged weakly on his hands, as if the small effort would be enough to shake you away. You held tighter, following him when he tried to step away as a second effort of escape. 

You had spent too long trying to fight this, trying to run for it. 

If you were going to have to tell him, he sure as hell wasn't getting to run away from it. Even if the very idea of being with you disgusted him, you had gone too far now not to tell him. 

You were risking everything.   
  
For him. 

"Don't what, Yeo? Don't touch you?" You snapped, stepping closer than you had ever intentionally stepped towards him. He froze, eyes fixing cautiously on you, an understanding dawning in them that you weren't sure whether you should be worried about or not. 

"Yes, don't touch me." he finally said, blinking and tugging yet again. You let go of him this time but didn't back away, pouring all of your hurt into a glare at him. And then suddenly he was closing the little space between you, his arm resting carefully around your waist and his forehead pressing to yours. 

A startled gasp left you and you threw your hands up around his neck in your surprise, clinging to him as your legs failed to fully support you. 

"Don't touch me, because if you do I'm going to break and do something that I _swore_ to myself I wouldn't." He muttered, a tone of desperation and fear in his voice that perfectly matched the inner voice of your head as you stared up at him, dumbfounded. 

"Yeo-" He shook his head, signalling for you to stop talking. You closed your mouth, heart thudding so loudly in your chest that he could probably hear or at least feel it. 

"Couldn't you just.." He sighed, and his breath fanned warmly over your lips, sending a tingle down your spine. You wanted to ask him what he was going to say but it didn't seem like the right moment to break up by speaking, so you waited. 

**Yeosang ;**

It was now or never. 

**Y/N ;**

"I love you. I have loved you since I was old enough to understand what love was and maybe even before that. Maybe on that first day we met, even as a kid, maybe even then I knew I was going to love you." 

The world began to tilt and your arms slackened around his neck. 

_How._

His eyes held yours, too invested now to even notice that you were moments away from potentially passing out in his arms. 

"You're everything to me, Y/n."

You couldn't breathe. 

Black dots surrounded his face. 

**Yeosang**

He couldn't gauge her reaction to what he was saying over his growing concern for the vacant look in her eyes. Until right now he hadn't even realised that she was basically hanging from his neck now, her face pale and eyes sparkling with confusion. 

Was she overwhelmed in a good way, or a bad way? He couldn't tell. 

Pushing aside his need to hear her answer to his confession he gently lowered her onto the sofa, placing himself on the edge of the coffee table so that he didn't have to move farther from her but was giving her some needle of space. 

She swayed and for a horrifying moment closed her eyes, like she was passing out and he half rose, ready to catch her if she fell forward. 

And then she was laughing and he was slowly sitting back in astonishment, watching as she opened her eyes and shoved her hands over her mouth, struggling to muffle the giggles coming out of her mouth. 

"It's notfunny!" He groaned, covering his face with his hands. 

"I _know_." She gasped between another tinkling laugh, tears collecting in her eyes. 

Yeosang was pretty sure that this was not at all the reaction she should be having. He'd expected disgust or anger or even just simple rejection. 

Being laughed at after confessing feelings he'd been hiding in fear of any of the above reactions somehow felt even worse than any of the worst-case scenarios he'd gone over and over the last few years every time he'd come close to telling her.

He wanted to beg her to stop, because his heart was growing heavier and heavier with each beautiful sound escaping from below her fingers. He normally would've done anything to hear and see her laughing, especially given how hard the last few weeks had to have been for her. 

But not like this. 

Not when it hurt him more than anything else ever could. 

**Y/N**

You wanted to stop laughing. 

You could see the hurt building in his eyes and the way he was shrinking in on himself, succumbing to the pain of what he probably thought was you rejecting him. 

But the giggles kept coming out of you, because you had never felt so light and relieved. 

He _loved you._ All those years of trying to not feel what you felt for him, of trying to pretend otherwise and he'd been doing the exact same thing. 

You were truly the biggest idiots alive. 

"I'm..." He sighed, reaching up to run a hand through his hair, dishevelling it even more. You caught a glimpse of unnatural shine in his eyes; tears. Finally the giggles abated, stolen by your terror that things were about to go very wrong. "I should go, I'm sorry." 

And then things were going very, very wrong, because he was standing and walking towards the door, feet dragging like someone had tied rocks around him. 

And you understood. 

Because if it had been the other way around, you would have felt like he'd just shoved bricks down your throat. 

Before you knew it you were on your feet, dashing across the room unsteadily to block the doorway. He lifted his head, eyebrows creasing. A single tear had slid down his cheek in the time it had taken for him to turn around and cross half of my apartment and your heart wrenched out of your chest as you stared at it. 

"I was laughing because I can't believe it." You started, grimacing at the flash of hurt that added to his already hurting expression, realising too late that the words didn't sound any better than things he'd probably made up in his mind. 

"I mean-" You breathed out, abandoning the doorway and braving a step closer to him. 

It was really now or never. 

If you didn't tell him how you felt, he'd walk out of here feeling like his heart was broken, the way you had when he'd- 

Wait. 

"I don't understand." You frowned, stopping in front of him. He'd reached up to swipe away the tear on his cheek and his hand lingered halfway between lowering. 

"You don't understand?! I think I put it into pretty understandable words-" He began incredulously, momentarily seeming to forget his hurt. You rolled your eyes and shook your head. 

"Not that. I understand that. But when you.. when you found out about my feelings for you years ago, when Wooyoung was running his mouth.. You hated me. You wouldn't talk to me for _months._ " 

You continued to stare at him in confusion, trying desperately in your mind to come up with some excuse that made any sense. 

**Yeosang**

He stared at her, mind slow to catch onto her words and meaning. 

What the hell did _Wooyoung_ have to do with _him_ confessing his love to her?!

He'd never hated her, much less known anything about.. 

"Yo-your feelings?" He asked, hands shaking. 

She licked her lip nervously, looking away. 

"That's all you took from what I just said?"

He forced his hands into his pockets, trying to summon up a logical train of thought. 

"I've never hated you." He frowned. 

She frowned too, looking back at him angrily. 

"Then why the hell did you refuse to speak to me for months?" He was still trying to figure out what incident she was referring to. 

"I don't.." Oh. 

_Oh._

_"Calm down. I'm not going to tell him, nobody else knows and if they do they wouldn't tell him either."_

It _had_ been about him. 

It had been about her feelings for him. 

And she'd thought he knew that, she'd thought that he'd hated her for having feelings for him. 

The ridiculousness of it brought a sound from his mouth that was halfway between a hysterical laugh and a sob and suddenly she was in his arms, her face buried into his chest and her hair brushing the bottom of his chin as he clung to her. 

"Idiot." He whispered, hands stroking circles on her back. "I didn't have a clue what he was talking about, Y/n I thought that you two were together. That's why I acted the way I did, treated you both the way I did." 

A sniffle and half hearted laugh vibrating against his chest where her head was. 

"We're idiots." She agreed. 

And then she was tilting her head up, staring at him with sparkling eyes, though there were no traces of tears; just happiness and wonder. 

"I love you Yeosang. I've _been_ loving you for so many years that I'd given up hope you could feel the same way." 

His heart swelled and his cheeks warmed. 

She reached up, cupping his face and drawing his mouth down slowly to hers. 

"I love you, I love you, I love you." She whispered over and over against his mouth, kissing him like he was the only person who had ever existed in her eyes. 

_I love you too._ He thought as he swept her close and wound his fingers through her hair, relishing in the moment of being with her, of kissing her finally. 

Of knowing she felt the same way he did. 

**Y/N**

Things were finally the way they were meant to be. 

However cliche, you finally had your prince. 

_I love you._

You would never stop saying it, never stop feeling your heart soar when he said it back. 

Finally. 

**_I love you._ **


	18. ☾ Smol Bonus Chapter ☾

**Yeosang's View**

"Seonghwa." The older boy turned around, waiting for Yeosang to catch up to him, dark eyes narrowed in curiosity. 

Yeosang rarely wanted to talk to anyone of his own accord, let alone come running after them. 

"Yeo, everything okay?" Seonghwa asked casually, gaze sweeping over his younger friend. He was pretty certain the answer to his question was definitely yes; Yeosang was essentially glowing with happiness, his cheeks dusted red in a way that even dance practise didn't make them and his eyes glimmering. 

He was even half smiling. 

"Yeah, everything is okay." Yeosang nodded, grinning now. Seonghwa blinked and nodded. 

He wasn't used to seeing Yeosang like this. 

Everyone else yes, he was used to seeing happy and used to having meaningless but enjoyable conversations with in the dorm hallways. 

But Yeosang was a different case - not that he was any less of a friend to Seonghwa, in fact the older often felt a stronger connection to him than any of them because they were alike in many ways. 

They both didn't mind silences and most of the time just kept to themselves unless sought after. 

Though where Yeosang had walls built and defended to keep everyone out, Seonghwa was open and a pillar for the members to lean on when they needed. 

When Hongjoong was stuck in his uptight leader mode or burrowed so deep in his music that everything else became unimportant in comparison, Seonghwa was the one that the members came too.

And he liked that. He enjoyed it as much as he enjoyed his quiet time in his room or the silence of a full room. 

"What are you so happy about?" Seonghwa finally broke, laughing quietly at Yeosang who was all but jittering beside him. Yeosang beamed and Seonghwa was almost certain that his lips were going to fall off if he didn't stop smiling like that. 

"Nothing." Yeosang half sung, his low voice echoing off the walls as they stepped side by side into the kitchen where Wooyoung and San were perched next to each other on their seats, squabbling over who got the last piece of toast on the plate between them.

They paused when Seonghwa and Yeosang entered, San taking advantage of the distraction to lunge for the piece and shove it, whole, into his mouth. 

Wooyoung cast him an acidic glare before looking with the same curiosity that Seonghwa had at Yeosang. Even San didn't miss the extra bounce in Yeosang's step as he sat across from them. 

All three exchanged glances with one another, Seonghwa lifting his shoulders to tell them he had no more idea than they did. 

And then Wooyoung, who had known Yeosang the longest, minus Y/N who none of them had seen for weeks, made a titter of understanding followed by a loud clap of his small hands. 

"You finally told her huh?" Yeosang smiled at him silently, not nodding but not disagreeing. That was enough for everyone at the table to interpret as a yes and judging by his vibrant mode, her response had been exactly what they'd all bargained it would be : positive. 

"Wait." Yeosang paused, raising an eyebrow when he caught on to the lack of reaction to his news. "You all knew how she felt about me?" 

Seonghwa and San let out snorts and Wooyoung rolled his eyes, scraping crumbs off the plate that San graciously didn't fight him for, mostly because he was still struggling to swallow the last of his now soggy mouthful of toast.

Yeosang pouted, crossing his arms like a child over his chest. 

"Seriously! Why didn't you tell me she liked me?" He asked incredulously, fixing them all with individual glares. 

San finally swallowed his mouthful and rubbed his jaw while he answered. 

"Oh come on, you knew." 

Wooyoung nodded in agreement while Seonghwa added; 

"Right, she always made it clear she liked you, Yeosang." 

Yeosang looked stricken, blinking rapidly and shaking his head slowly. 

"I didn't."

Everyone stared at him, taken aback by the raw honesty in his voice and eyes. 

"You didn't?" San asked, flipping a strand of his blonde hair back from his eyes; it had grown much longer than it had ever been before. 

Yeosang shook his head, looking guiltily at them. 

Seonghwa chuckled quietly, reaching out to squeeze his shoulder. 

"You liked her though right? I think for as long as I've known you, I've wondered if you did." Yeosang nodded quickly, grimacing.

Wooyoung muttered something bitter below his breath, glancing sideways at San who smirked and patted him absently on the arm as if consoling a child. 

Seonghwa cleared his throat at Wooyoung, flicking him a pointed stare before turning back to Yeosang. 

"Well that's why you never knew she liked you." 

"Wha-" Even Wooyoung and San looked confused now, everyone's eyes fixed on Seonghwa as he spoke, a soft smile on his lips. 

"Because you liked her, you couldn't see her feelings. You were too overwhelmed with yours."

And then the confusion was gone and Wooyoung was nodding in agreement while San whistled in appreciation of Seonghwa's wisdom, leaning back too far in his seat and tumbling to the ground with a yelp that earnt him an earful of laughter from everyone in the room. 

"Yeo," Wooyoung said when they were done laughing at San and Seonghwa had gotten up to help the pouting San up from the floor. Yeosang glanced up, making eye contact with his friend. "I'm really happy for you, for both of you." 

And Yeosang smiled, one of those rare smiles that seemed to light up the room and fill everyone with genuine comfort. 

"Me too, Woo."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── 

**A/N -** Wow. It was nice to rewrite this story and add in a few little improvements! I hope that you enjoyed reading it! I'm thinking about writing a sequel to it so please if you're interested in dropping some ideas for that or even just general support of the idea, don't hesitate! Your support and comments motivates me to write! ;-; 


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